I can’t climb the ropes

I can’t jump horses

I can’t do gym circuits that are like assault courses

I’m don’t wanna join the SAS, Air Force or Army

So please don’t make me do PE

You can smash my television

You can pull my teeth out

You can force feed me dog food

Slap my face with a wet trout

You can give me a shock of powerful electricity

But please don’t make me do PE

I’m not the physical type

I’m not a super-hero shape

Bouncing on the trampoline’s something I really hate

It gets me in a state

I can’t dance, ski or skate

I don’t need to lose more weight

Not a single calorie

So please don’t make me do PE

I’m gonna scream for an hour

Till I get a sore throat

Then ask my mum

To write me a sick note

When the games lesson starts

I wanna miss the boat

Refuse to take off my coat

I can’t swim I sink not float

And I can’t catch in cricket

Kick in football or rugby

So please don’t make me do PE

I’ve got more of a mathematical brain

I don’t like anything that gives me pain

Or makes my muscles stretch or strain

Or sprain

I don’t wanna get splattered in mud

Again and again

As I wheeze, whinge and whine

Through the fog, wind and the rain

While staggering through a two-mile cross country

So please don’t make me do PE