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People
who annoy me on the tube are:
People
who stare
People
who swear
People
who dodge their fare
People
who have obviously soiled their underwear
People
who MUST STAND THERE!
People
with rucksacks
On
their backs
People
eating smelly snacks
Jumpers
splattered on the tracks
People who delay trains by having
heart attacks
People
who are rude, crude or dressed semi-nude
People
with bad attitude
People
who insist on saying “London Underground” instead of “the tube”
People
who don’t apologise for treading on your toe
People
who walk along the platform – SLOW!
And
those who suddenly stop
The
never-there-when-you-need-‘em Transport Cops
People
crunching bags of crisps
Terrorists
People
into mugging and robbing
Couples
(or more) into groping or snogging
Or
even dogging
People
who use chairs for their feet
People
who take up more than one seat
People
who look like serial rapers
People
who won’t pass on free newspapers
People
who have had too much to drink
People
with a B.O. stink
People
who look like the missing link
People
who don’t think
To give up their place to a
pregnant woman although she’s on the brink
People
who carry all their belongings including the kitchen sink
People
who don’t know their Hampstead from their Harlesden
People
who board the Docklands Light Railway and say
“Where’s
the driver then?”
People
who think the Emirates Stadium stop is Arsenal
People
whose forgotten shopping becomes a suspicious parcel
Children
who nag, nag, nag
People
smoking fags
People
with `I Love NY’ hats, t-shirts and
bags
People
reading misogynistic lad mags
People
who refuse to smile
People
who should clearly be on trial
People
farting
People
who get their head stuck in closing doors before departing
People
snoring and slobbering ‘cause they’re asleep
People
laying in their own puke on the floor in a crumpled heap
People
coughing, spluttering, wheezing and sneezing – but NOT in their hand
People
who just have to stand
Even
though there’s a free seat
People
wearing open sandals with corns and calluses on their feet
People
who sweat profusely in the heat
People
who shove
Who
fight
Who
scream
Who
kick
Who
fuss
People
who vow next time to walk or take the
bus
People
playing loud music on their headphones
Religious
fundamentalists who won’t leave you alone
Sloanes!
People
with ridiculous attention-seeking ring tones
People
who cuss their mum
People
sticking chewing gum
People
who surreptitiously scratch their bum
People
who hum and hum and hum and hum and hum
And
bloody buskers who can’t even sing or strum
BUT
Do
you know which people annoy me the most and are the least cool?
It’s
the people who can’t tolerate anyone else on the tube
At
all
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