With a farewell note she left Listerine

Said my breath smelt like death and my teeth were obscene

I tried orange flavour, cherry flavour and regular green

Now I’ve a wife and a life thanks to Listerine

When my tongue has a furry coat

And the taste that I’m tasting is rancid goat (or stoat)

What stuff do I copiously chuck down my throat?

Listerine

I pour it on my cornflakes and my muesli

Don’t buy Tesco own brand - be more choosy

Any spare? It’ll kill every germ on your loo seat

Listerine

Give your gob a new beginning

Find something fit for your tonsils to swim in

If when you heave a sigh people say that you’re minging

Try Listerine

I’ve put a stop to my halitosis

Made my kisses seem as sweet as roses

What’s the best mouthwash my dentist knows?

It’s Listerine

My life’s transformed to a gargling marathon

Thanks to this liquid stronger than paraffin

I’m dashing off to have a show in

Listerine

Aqua, methyl silicate, alcohol

Sodium benzoate, saccharin, sorbitol

Aroma, benzoic acid, eucalyptol

Poloxamer, thymol and menthol

Keep it fresh

Keep it clean

Attack plaque in the name of oral hygiene

With Listerine

It’s made me a magnet to the opposite sex

Who needs the gym to build up their pecks?

When you can shove an antiseptic down your neck

Like Listerine

So if there’s a whiff like nasty poo

When someone sniffs your exhaled CO2

Don’t buy Wrigley’s chewing gum to chew

But Listerine