If you stole my smelly socks

Shut them in a metal box

Hid it under heavy rocks

And twenty-seven concrete blocks

Sealed it with cast iron locks

You could still smell

MY SMELLY SOCKS

Imagine the smelliest thing you can

Then times it by ten

Imagine the new smell that you’d get

Then times it by ten again

And what’s the smell that you’ve now got?

That smell worse than hell of

MY SMELLY SOCKS

They stink

They poison

The poo

They reek

And made my washing machine explode last week

Folk say they’re one of nature’s freaks

But I say that they’re not

They’re just

MY SMELLY SOCKS

You might pass out

You might go stiff

If you’re brave enough to have a sniff

I’m daring you to take a whiff

Of the niffiest things you can possibly niff

MY SMELLY SOCKS

They’re in the Guinness Book of Records

Under `strongest stench ever’

I keep them in two separate rooms

They’re too powerful when they’re together

Their smell is even stronger in the sweaty summer heat

What’s scarier than the scariest monster you could ever meet?

That pair of pongers that cover my feet

And my toes

Make sure your nose

Don’t get too close to

MY SMELLY SOCKS

My family live in fear of me

My friends will not come near to me

When I wear shoes they’re cheering me

How can two items made of cotton

Be so deadly, pungent, awful and rotten?

Once inhaled then never forgotten

MY SMELLY SOCKS

When I last washed them in 1974

They were sweet, soft, white and clean

Now I don’t wash them anymore

They’re crusty, purple and green

So disgusting, disgraceful, distasteful and obscene

Any film about them would be rated 18

If you find one in your bed tonight you’ll let out a piercing

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam at

MY SMELLY SOCKS