Why must I be Clark Kent?

The meek mild-mannered American gent

While Superman wins all of his fights

And stands for everything that’s right

I hate what I’ve come to represent

I’ve no x-ray vision, I can’t fly

I’ve got a voice that’s far too high

And though Superman can never die

I bruise, cut, graze, scratch, bleed and dent

‘Cause I’m the big flop, milksop - Clark Kent

Superman’s on all the pages of every comic book he’s in

While I rarely even get to have a look in

His pictures are plastered across each edition’s cover

He takes all the plaudits and has all the lovers

I’m too far down the pecking order ever to recover

And that’s something that I really resent

I’m soooooo not content

With being plain old, same old - Clark Kent

It’s just not right

‘Cause I’m not scared of green kryptonite

But Superman is yet he’s portrayed as indestructible

While I’m seen as flimsy, weedy, weak and combustible

I’d ask that Man of Steel to change places with me

But he’d never agree

To be a mere Daily Planet reporter slaving away to pay his rent

He’s a hero, I’m a zero - I’m Clark Kent

Why can’t I rescue damsels in distress

Face super villains and Herculean tests?

Why must I wear specs from the National Health

And not contact lenses like everyone else?

Why must I use a phone box to undress?

Why can’t I have a yellow `CK’ on my chest?

Why can’t I be like him – strong, muscular and cute

And wear something more dashing than a boring blue suit

And tie?

Oh why does Lois Lane prefer that super guy?

Yes, you too would have this much anger to vent

If you were Mr Anonymous, Mr `Does He Have to Tag Along with Us?’

Clark Kent

I’m always being labelled as a great big drip

So Mr Superman Editor pleeeeease - change the script

To have my very own comic strip would be heaven sent

And what would I call it?

Just `Clark Kent’