The Noisiest Class I’ve ever heard

Are in this very school

They make a din

Do my head in

And disobey no talking rules

It’s 10pm and thanks to them

I can’t get any sleep at all

My ears still ringing

My mind still swimming

I tried to teach them

I tried to reach them

But they don’t listen to a single word

‘Cause they’re the Noisiest Class I’ve ever heard

Form 3J!

They make more racket in English, history, geography, science and maths

Than they do when they’re at play

“SHUT UP!” is the phrase you’ll bellow fifty times a day

They scream

They shout

They shriek

They yell

Louder than the fire alarm or bell

I try and try and try and try

I even emit the odd ear-splitting cry

But still I can’t hear myself speak

When I’m with the Noisiest Class you’ll ever meet

Some say

“They’re hyperactive”

Some say

“Too many fizzy drinks”

Some say

“They eat far too much junk food”

But I still can’t hear myself think

At all

Please give me those cute quiet kids in reception

Next time I have to take a lesson

Or I’ll crack up

Ask the army for back up

And take two years off work to unwind

After sharing a classroom with the Noisiest Class you’ll ever find

I want to hide in the staff room

Wear a big pair of ear plugs

Whistle an extremely loud tune

Stop my migraine with prescription drugs

They made ten teachers ill

Twelve teachers quit

I can’t handle any more of it

They can’t be tamed

They’re at it again

They confuse, addle, muddle and befuddle my brain

Unfortunately (for legal reasons) no pupils can be named

But they’re guaranteed to shatter your silence

Leaving you disrupted, damaged and disturbed

It’s the Noisiest Class you’ve ever heard

So cover your ears with Elastoplast

If you don’t want to have to suffer the Noisiest Class