Dear Grim Reaper

Have you ever thought of trying

To end this unhealthy obsession that you have with doom and dying?

You’re not at your best

You need a change or a rest

You look a tad depressed

Too much black in your dress

Let yourself unwind

Stop stressing out mankind

Why not have a makeover, do cabaret or pantomime?

Crack a joke or two and SMILE

Be willing to stop filling up on killing for a while

Make this your New Year’s resolution:

JUST SAY “NO” TO DEATH – FIND ANOTHER SOLUTION

Dear Grim Reaper

Or can I just call you `Grim’?

Lighten up, life’s for living

Learn to take it on the chin

Cheer up with a chill pill

Forget that woman on the window sill

Book yourself a massage or a work out down the gym

Don’t hang around people ‘cause they’re ill, infirm and thin

And wipe that sadistic grin

Off your face

Quit saying you’ll take me to a better place

I’m staying with the human race

My mortal coil’s not ready to be shed

So why don’t you join a Goth band instead?

Dear Grim Reaper

Please understand

I don’t want to take your hand

Blokes like you should be banned

From hanging on my shoulder

Just because I’m getting older

You think it’s fun when you make my blood run a little colder

You need careers counselling - develop your CV

Stop dining in the cemetery

Stop hanging round the mortuary

Stop stealing friends and family

Then I might ask your round for tea

Relax - book a sabbatical

Be less morbid and fanatical

If you dump that scary scythe

You might even find yourself a wife

Repeat after me: “IT’S GOOD TO BE ALIVE”

Dream of peace not war

Then you’ll be a happy sociable chappy

And not a Grim Reaper anymore