I wish I was a sumo wrestler

I’d never see my feet

My bottom would be big enough to occupy three seats

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

My clothes would never fit me

I’d squash and sit on anyone who punched or kicked or hit me

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

I’d wrestle for a living

I’d eat your whole fridge for my tea plus forty-three roast chickens

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

They’d say: “Look at the size of his belly!”

I’d wobble walking down the street just like a giant jelly

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

Heavier than twenty trucks

If you let me in your front door I would probably get stuck

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

A hero from Japan

A bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy million ouncy man

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

My weight would bust your bed

And I’d cause a massive tidal wave if I swum in the Med

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

As humungous as can be

I’d not fit upon the screen of your portable TV

I wish I was a sumo wrestler

A martial arts gold medal winner

And if YOU sniggered at my stomach’s size…

I’D MASH YOU UP FOR DINNER