I love to cuddle my favourite teddy bear

I love walking round the house in just my underwear

I love the bit that’s remaining of my hair

Before he bombed Iraq I loved Tony Blair

But you’re the tip you’re the tops, you pass the acid test

‘Cause I love you best

I love the ear-splitting sound of the Wembley roar

When England score one, two, three or maybe more

I don’t love it when you snore and snore and snore and snore

I love a good Chinese meal - numbers 7, 21, 38 and 54

But you make my heart explode out of my chest

‘Cause I love you best

I love a hot chilli pepper to make me swelter and sweat

I love that sexy receptionist who works at the vet

I love to spend, spend, spend and get in serious debt

I love to Google myself on the Internet

But I meant what I said in that 103rd text

‘Cause I love you best

I love to get on my high horse and vent my spleen

I am an average bloke so I love to calculate the mean

I love to talk posh like Her Majesty the Queen

I love to sniff Tipp-Ex and snort Windolene

But you’re stuck in my brain in that skin-tight dress

‘Cause I love you best

I love to laugh in the face of the Nazi BNP

I love a 52-week a year holiday

I love to scoop the winning ticket in the Lottery

I love to have a date with Cheryl Cole in my diary

But I love you more I don’t love you less

Even wearing your wellies and a smelly string vest

Damn it girl I’m so impressed!

‘Cause I love you best