 (Flash Not Installed.) Did you see this poem coming from over the hill? Cranking into overdrive and into clanking into overkill It’s electric It’s hectic And totally frenetic It’s the fastest poem ever written Quicker than Quicksilver Faster than the Flash A million times more dashing than the million mile dash It’s a bash It’s a smash A two hundred mile an hour car crash All these words crammed and jammed Bursting out from this 63-line parcel Dizzier than Dizzy Rascal Fizzier than a Bucks Fizz It’s the fastest poem in poetry showbiz It’s a whiz Ignited and inspired By a muse so mad and manic Scribbled down in such a rush And delivered in a panic An inferno a volcano of the ultimate hellfire A burning baking bright bleeding steel hot wire It’s the fastest poem ever written So I’ll grab my breath Or my obituary will state “here lies a poet who performed himself to death” Acceleration’s my aim As I’m emptying my soul This poem’s twenty times more powerful than a Ronaldo free-kick goal Flying off his feet And searing your ears A whirling white heat A tornado twister Guaranteed to make your eardrums boil, burst and blister And inflict pain on those Switched to listening mode In their brain I’ll fly it up the flag pole so you can salute it again While other odes, lyrics and raps Are still in their starting position This lightening paced literature Has already completed its mission What’s the hastiest poem you’ve ever heard? There’s no split decision This is the fastest piece of poetry that’s ever been written More nuclear energy than Atomic Kitten It’s smitten with speed If it’s left you for dead Slow it down when you read it inside your head
It’s aurally challenging Pretty brain damaging But even the fastest poem ever written Has to stop and refuel sometime Cross that metaphorical finishing line So I’ll take my foot off the pedal And settle for a gold medal And a strong glass of full-bodied red wine Internally glowing At the thought of ever knowing That the fastest poem ever written in the world Was mine
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