On north-east London’s edge

Home of 4 by 4s with the latest reg

Private schools of privilege

And the animal-shaped privet hedge

As plain as meat, potatoes and two veg

If you leave the Capital for Essex 

Then you’d best ignore

Where even the lions whisper 

And never raise a roar

Chingford, E4

Men play at DIY in their garden shed

This town’s streets have got no street cred

Want excitement? Then spend the day asleep in bed

Or visit the morgue instead

‘Cause you’ll get a lot more

Than in the place that’s a perpetual nil-nil draw 

(No score)

Chingford, E4

Full of white middle classes

Talking loft extensions, golf

Oh so up there own arses

People making sideways not forward passes

While the flags of St George are ominously waving

Where the Freemasons want to bring back slave trading

Where restless `yoof’ are misbehaving

‘Cause this ‘hoods got no clubs or raves in

So of course they break the law 

Chingford, E4

Streets full of: 

Gossip speakers

Tall story talkers

Finger waggers

Pedigree dog walkers

Trolley pushing OAPs

Nosey curtain stalkers

Tory blue to the core

This ain’t Brixton, Camden or Highbury

The most `in’ venue is the Library

Chingford, E4

Commuters swarm to City jobs via the train station

Residents protest about Tesco’s planning application

Mr Angry’s supporting letter’s in the local rag

Why don’t he get a life and go and have a shag?

Last refuge for the dinosaur

Chingford, E4

The Green is brown with dog poo

If you like horse manure

The roads are full of that too

Chingford’s paler than pale ale

A windless sail

Slower than British Rail

An arthritic snail

Minus 100 on the Richter Scale

Looking for Suburbia’s Holy Grail?

Check us out on the map

Find blandness on tap

For a day out that’s crap

Come and explore

Where you go to when you draw

The shortest of short strawzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Chingford, E4