I wanna marry you Mary Jane

I just can't get you out of my brain

Though you only exist in a two-dimensional plain

I’m sniffing my Spider-Man comic again 

And again

And again

My interest will never cease

My passion will never wane

In my heart there’s a constant throbbing pain

For a love that’s unfulfilled

Let’s go for it Mary – let’s get chilled

Seeing me’s so much safer than seeing Peter 

‘Cause when I meet ya

You’re at no risk of getting killed

By the Green Goblin or Dock Ock

Call on me now

I’ll even change my socks

For the prettiest girl 

With the auburn locks

What’s tattooed on my inner thigh

That will be there till the day I die

But was worth the excruciating pain?

“I wanna marry you Mary Jane”

I’ve got you on every DVD

Spider-Man 1, 2 and 6

(‘Cause I’m numerically dyslexic)

Watching you snog Spider-Man makes me sick

I’d like to give his arse a massive kick

But what can I do?

He’s much bigger than me

And he only exists in comic books 

And a movie

(Well actually he’s in three)

But you’re always with him 

‘Cause it’s part of the plot an’

I’m simply excluded or always forgotten

One minute I’m happy 

Then I’m feeling really rotten

If only I was gay

Then I wouldn’t be so frustrated about not being able to marry you 

MJ

It’s your cute dimples

(No zits or pimples)

Your sexy voice

Your beautiful smile

Hang on…I have to stop for breath for a while

I’ve loved you since you first appeared in Spidey number 42

Leap off that page so I can have my wicked way - get naughty with you

And leave Spider-Man tied to the tracks 

Of that fast approaching train

‘Cause I wanna marry you Mary Jane