Nobody snores like you my love

Is that an aeroplane above?

In bed I give you one more shove

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you it’s true

You’re heard in Sweden and Peru

In China, Chad and Norway too

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my babe

You make me fearful and afraid

I wish you’d stop, how hard I’ve prayed

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my sweet

Most people are far more discreet

But you just snort between the sheets

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you thank God

That sound you make’s so loud and odd

It keeps me from the Land of Nod

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my wife

You bring me torture every night

I’ll chop your nose off with a knife

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my pet

The doctor’s puzzled and the vet

I’ve even taped you on cassette

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my dear

Your nose vibrates inside my ear

You’d make a t.rex quake in fear

Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you of course

You’d frighten a stampeding horse

Why am I filing for divorce?

‘Cause nobody snores like you