Martians Abducted Me

Martians abducted me 
Took me to their home in space
Tied me to a table tightly
Drew pictures of my face

They prodded me, they poked me
Insisting “This won't hurt” 
Then dropped a giant jellyfish
Underneath my shirt

They pricked me with sharp needles
Scraped small bits off my skin 
Removed a litre of my blood
That they stored in a tin

They said “We are experimenting 
“On human beings”
Then passed me a glass bottle
That they made me wee in

Their heads were like hippos
Their bodies were like flies
With twenty-nine noses
And thirty-two eyes

They measured my heartbeat
And told me it was good
(Though they spoke in Alien 
I think I understood)

I'm now caged living in the zoo
The number one exhibit
The Martian kids all laugh at me
When they pay me a visit

At dinner times I'm feed on
Cups of cold sour slime
Mixed up with moon rock pudding
And bogey-coloured wine

So I'm asking you: Remember
If you pass a nearby star
Please stop off and rescue me
The only man on Mars