I am a li-ttle sy-lla-ble
In-deed that's what I am
While 'beau-ti-ful' has three of me
I'm found just once in 'jam'
Li-sten care-fu-lly I'm heard
Lur-king in-side lots of words
I am a li-ttle sy-lla-ble
A bite-sized bit of sound
I'm pre-sent in the things you say
And things you've wri-tten down
Turn a page and take a look
You'll spot me in a-ny book
I am a li-ttle sy-lla-ble
Who's here, per-son-i-fied
Now twice a-ppea-ring in 'he-llo'
Then twice more in 'good-bye'
Our laundry was drying in the sunshine
When an animal stole it from the washing line
It took trousers pyjamas, pullovers, socks
Shorts, sheets, pillowslips, cardigans, frocks
Underpants, knickers, dressing gowns, skirts
Baseball caps, woolly hats, tights, scarves and shirts
Was it taken by a tiger, turtle, tortoise, racoon, rat
Elephant, antelope, badger, bull, bat
Hippopotamus, rhinoceros, mongoose, moose, monkey
Hedgehog, hyena, crocodile, donkey
Polar bear, porcupine or pig? No - of course
The animal that stole it was a clothes horse!
For an ideal meal choose some sandwich filler
Generously spread it on a tasty tortilla
Lovely for a lunch and super for a snack
A bap or bun is far less fun
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
Very healthy too, bound to please your tummy
Better than a burger and great value for money
What you gonna do when hunger pangs attack?
Put down that bread, try this instead
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
Many fab flavours ready ripe for picking
Houmous, ham, falafel, salad, cheese or roast chicken
Stomach's crying “Help!” - but there's no need to flap
Don’t let a roll become your goal
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
Go grab one now
And plug that gap
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
Do the wrap rap!
High in the sky, far from the ground
A creature made a snorting sound
Its tail was curled, its snout was flat
No bird I knew looked quite like that
It had four trotters, skin pale pink
This caused me to reflect and think
What people say must be a lie
There was no doubt that pigs could fly
Don't jump on the bed!
Don't jump on the bed!
You'll come to harm
You'll bust your arm
Don't jump on the bed!
Don't jump on the stairs!
Don't jump on the stairs!
You'll break your back
Your bones could crack
Don't jump on the stairs!
Don't jump on the mat!
Don't jump on the mat!
You’re sure to slip
You're bound to trip
Don't jump on the mat!
Don't jump on the wall!
Don't jump on the wall!
You'll land 'KERSPLAT!'
You'll squash the cat
Don't jump on the wall!
Don't jump on the chair!
Don't jump on the chair!
You'll hurt yourself
Go somewhere else
DON'T JUMP ON THE CHAIR!*
(*A week later, Mum and Dad bought me a fantastic trampoline – so my clever plan worked!)
You will find them in the mirror
Sitting right above your eyes
Two long hairy caterpillars
Rising up when they’re surprised
Most unlikely to be spiky
Like a beard or a moustache
You can brush them, you can comb them
Or shampoo them in the bath
They might sometimes join together
They might never meet at all
You can pluck them, even shave them
Though I think that’s quite uncool
Cos our furry friends on foreheads
Should be treated with great care
Why not grow them, why not style them
To look chic and debonair?
You can thicken, wax or thread them
Add some glitter if you choose
Have one tinted teal or turquoise
Have the other brilliant blue
Watch them wiggle, jump and jiggle
Curl them tight into a frown
Such fantastic facial features
So much fun to have around
In the next room is there…
A tiger growling
A wolf howling
A sheep bleating
A gorilla chest-beating
A cow mooing
A dove cooing
A crow cawing
A donkey hee-hawing
A lizard hissing
A lovebird kissing
A hippopotamus stomping
A rhinoceros chomping
A peacock squawking
A cockatoo talking
A hyena cackling
A rattlesnake rattling
A quail calling
A cat caterwauling
A lion roaring?
No, no, no!
It’s just my dad snoring!
It seems I've turned into a mermaid
I've no idea how this occurred
It's all very fishy
My tail's long and swishy
And friends tell me I look absurd
I'm frequently found in the ocean
Though sometimes sunbathe on the sand
I'm best mates with blue whales
Sharks, dolphins and sea snails
Since I sold my house on dry land
I'm featuring in children's stories
Transformed from a human complete
Into this strange creature
Where key parts don't feature
E.g. l've no legs and no feet
What people have told me is so true
“It's funny how life can work out”
I'd never been diving
Yet now I'm surviving
With sole, salmon, tuna and trout
Enjoying the water around me
I'm cheerful, not gloomy or glum
Because it's real smashing
When splishing and splashing
A mermaid is what I've become
The sky’s above us in the air
We are down here while it’s up there
The sky is high, it’s never low
It’s full of clouds that come and go
It holds the sun, the stars, the moon
Kites, aeroplanes, rockets, balloons
And birds and flying insects too
The Earth’s blanket of brilliant blue
It can be orange also red
When inky black it’s time for bed
If weather’s wet it’s gloomy grey
I hope
the sky
won’t float
away...
He's smashing all the crockery
Glass, furniture and pottery
As subtle as a sharp karate chop
Devoid of patience, grace and tact
A manic military attack
He's a bull in a china shop
I urged him first to contemplate
To count from one to ten then wait
Unfortunately this coin failed to drop
He's in your space, he's in your face
Politeness goes without a trace
He's a bull in a china shop
Upsetting folk in seconds flat
Not born to be a diplomat
Ignoring me although I'm yelling “STOP!”
Destroying every ounce of calm
While causing chaos and alarm
He's a bull in a china shop
So close the windows, shut the doors
Take big deep breaths and clear the floor
Emergency - you'd better call the cops!
Much larger than a calf or cow
He's charging head-on at you now
He's a bull in a china shop
My marine mate and my mucker
I'm a sucker for her suckers
All her limbs are right for rowing
All her ink produced this poem
I'm delighted we're a couple
She's so squidgy, soft and supple
When we first met in the ocean
My heart filled up with emotion
If we swim, splash and make bubbles
People mock but we're not troubled
Arms and tentacles together
When will we be parted? Never!
We'll get married, have some kids and
Settle down at home in Squidland
With days fun and filled with laugher
Living happy ever after
Poverty's no more
All the wars have ended
Homework has been banned
Enemies befriended
Hunger's in the past
Homelessness has vanished
Smile and laugh and whoop!
Sadness is now banished
Every child receives
Free toys, sweets and ice cream
Till my teacher shouts
“Hey – snap out your Daydream!”
Catherine of Aragon: Messy divorce
Anne Boleyn: Beheaded of course
Jane Seymour: Prematurely passed
Anne of Cleves: Divorced – real fast
Catherine Howard: Another execution
But Catherine Parr: Perfect solution!*
(*Henry VIII died while they were still married)
I was the king
Of all dinosaurs
With a ground-shaking stomp
And an ear-bursting roar
Big bulky body
Two mighty legs
Terrifying teeth
Gigantic head
Enormous feet
Sharp slashing claws
Long swishing tail
Super-strong jaw
Yet as Earth's fiercest creature
I now sit and think
How? How? How?
Did I become extinct?
I'm a mean mud monster
Swimming in the swamp
I'm a mean mud monster
Squelch! Squish! Stomp!
I'm a mean mud monster
Sucking up the muck
I'm a mean mud monster
Belch! Burp! Yuck!
I'm a mean mud monster
Smelly like blue cheese
I'm a mean mud monster
Sniff! Snort! Wheeze!
I'm a mean mud monster
Eating cars for lunch
I'm a mean mud monster
Crash! Clang! Crunch!
I'm a mean mud monster
Oozing orange blood
I'm a mean mud monster
And I love MUD!
MUD!
MUD!
I met a herd of elephants
With bright white shiny tusks
I asked if I could borrow them
They grumbled, ‘If you must”
I piled them high around me
So for the last half-hour
I’ve been sitting here alone
In my ivory tower
Life is like a TV remote control
Press PLAY: to be born
FORWARD: to grow and develop
INFO: to begin your education
MENU: for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks
VOLUME (UP): to express excitement, anger etc
VOLUME (DOWN): for peace and quiet
PAUSE: for sleep, weekends and holidays
CHANNELS: to make any major decisions
REWIND: to activate your memory
And finally, STOP: when you sadly complete life's journey
But, if you've previously pressed RECORD
Everyone can remember you fondly after you're gone
(Note: SUBTITLES have been ON throughout this poem
Bake it by the kilo
Boil it by the tonne
Super dooper sticky
More than bubblegum
Eat it for your dinner
So yummy to digest
Cos everybody knows that
SLIME IS BEST!
Pour it in a bucket
Tip it in a cup
Stir it with a broomstick
Drink the last drop up
Great as burger relish
Or on fried chicken breast
Cos everybody knows that
SLIME IS BEST!
Glowing in the darkness
Luminous and green
Watch a horror movie
It's bound to be seen
Gargle with it daily
To guarantee fresh breath
Cos everybody knows that
SLIME IS BEST!
Store it in a sewer
In a rusty tin
Going trick or treating?
Smear it on your skin
Though some say it's disgusting
I love its gooey mess
Cos everybody knows that
SLIME IS BEST!
Space is…
Longer than all the chewing gum that’s ever been made, stretched out in a single line
Taller than Earth’s entire giraffe population, stacked on top of one and other
Quieter than tomb of the the ancient Egyptian pharaoh, King Tutankhamun
More magical than the seven Harry Potter books added together
Full of virtually nothing but deep, dark black emptiness
But that’s why it’s called ‘space’ I guess
And I can’t wait to explore it in my rocket
5!...
4!...
3!...
2!...
1!...
I love weeds
The garden rebels
Unfettered, untethered
Wildly winding wending pathways
Through formations of flowers
Standing as unimaginatively as soldiers on parade
Weeds are rule-breakers
Asserting their independence
Going where they choose to go
Growing where they want to grow
So don't pull them up
But instead, appreciate and admire them
For their originality
Their beauty
And their freedom
Weeds are like my kind of people
I love weeds