Why must I be Clark Kent?
The meek mild-mannered American gent
While Superman wins all of his fights
And stands for everything that’s right
I hate what I’ve come to represent
I’ve no x-ray vision, I can’t fly
I’ve got a voice that’s far too high
And though Superman can never die
I bruise, cut, graze, scratch, bleed and dent
‘Cause I’m the big flop, milksop - Clark Kent
Superman’s on all the pages of every comic book he’s in
While I rarely even get to have a look in
His pictures are plastered across each edition’s cover
He takes all the plaudits and has all the lovers
I’m too far down the pecking order ever to recover
And that’s something that I really resent
I’m soooooo not content
With being plain old, same old - Clark Kent
It’s just not right
‘Cause I’m not scared of green kryptonite
But Superman is yet he’s portrayed as indestructible
While I’m seen as flimsy, weedy, weak and combustible
I’d ask that Man of Steel to change places with me
But he’d never agree
To be a mere Daily Planet reporter slaving away to pay his rent
He’s a hero, I’m a zero - I’m Clark Kent
Why can’t I rescue damsels in distress
Face super villains and Herculean tests?
Why must I wear specs from the National Health
And not contact lenses like everyone else?
Why must I use a phone box to undress?
Why can’t I have a yellow `CK’ on my chest?
Why can’t I be like him – strong, muscular and cute
And wear something more dashing than a boring blue suit
Oh why does Lois Lane prefer that super guy?
Yes, you too would have this much anger to vent
If you were Mr Anonymous, Mr `Does He Have to Tag Along with Us?’
I’m always being labelled as a great big drip
So Mr Superman Editor pleeeeease - change the script
To have my very own comic strip would be heaven sent
And what would I call it?
Just `Clark Kent’