Spare Tyre

How did I acquire you?
I didn't steal or hire you
One of Mother Nature's gifts
Attached like glue to my midriff
And though I've got gym memberships
I still can't shift you from my hips
You bust my belts, you zap my zips
There's nothing to admire
About my spare tyre

Sitting on my waist so snugly
Always you embrace and hug me
Stomach isn't happy that
He's hemmed in by your roll of fat
Since you escaped from your car boot
You've permanently taken root
Now women never call me cute
They say they're uninspired
By my spare tyre

You're my piece of middle-aged spread
Composed of biscuits, buns and bread
A doughnut shape of bulging blubber
Bouncing like a rampant rubber
I'm so sorry to berate you
Sorry that I denigrate you
Some day I will amputate you
You tighten my attire
My spare tyre

Could I lose you to liposuction?
Run you off in next year's Marathon?
File you down until you're gone?
Detonate you like a bomb?
Though you're clearly not my mate
Entwined together is our fate
You are my chunk of bulky freight
You left my torso in a state
You made my abdomen inflate
You grow each time I eat a cake
What is the thing that I most hate?
My wobbly extra stone in weight
My spare tyre