New Bottom

Next birthday I want a new bottom

The one I own's terribly worn

Too boney and bumpy

Too lumpy not comfy

It's been with me since I was born


Next birthday I want a new bottom

My current butt's busted and old

Tired, droopy and baggy

Stale, shabby and saggy

In winter it's feeling the cold


Next birthday I want a new bottom

This ageing rear's splitting in two

And has a hole in it

I just want to bin it

A substitute's well overdue


Next birthday I want a new bottom

The most modern bum you can buy

With gadgets and lights on

And go faster stripes on

That won't decay, wither or die


Next birthday I want a new bottom

When showing it off to my friends

I'm hoping to hear “Neal -

“Your rump is the real deal!”

Who cares how much money you spend


Next birthday I want a new bottom

That won't cause me trouble or pain

Please purchase or hire it

I can't wait to try it

Then I can sit down once again