Not a Vampire

Red sticky stuff upon my lips

Is strawberry jam

The razor teeth I'm sharpening

Are toy fake fangs

I dress in swish black velvet suits

So I look smart

Nobody's tried to drive a stake

Into my heart

You say that crosses bother me

Well that's not true

The only bats I've ever known

Are at the zoo

I'm cool with mirrors in my house

And garlic's fine

That zombie living down the street's

No mate of mine

As I won't sunbathe on the beach

My skin's snow white

I promise you I'm sound asleep

Before midnight

Thick fog around my castle

Is a morning mist

Count Dracula is fictional

He don't exist

No need to cover up your neck

When you meet me

I wouldn't drink your human blood

I'd opt for tea

Those trips to Transylvania?

I've never been

I'm really NOT a vampire

It’s just your bad dream