Late!

I could have been there but I'm not

I would have been there but forgot

Let's rearrange the date

...I'm late!


So call me tardy, call me slow

It seems I 'stop' instead of 'go'

I can't accelerate

...I'm late!


My life is littered with delays

I get held up, caught in a daze

I simply stagnate

...I'm late!


I'm sorry to do this to you

The bus and train were overdue

What phrase makes you irate?

...I'm late!


I didn't check my diary

'On time' fails to inspire me

Again you'll have to wait


...and wait..


...and wait..


..and wait..


..and wait..


...I'm late!

Longlegs

I saw a daddy longlegs creeping 'cross a wall

I saw a daddy longlegs gliding down the hall

I saw a daddy longlegs lurking by your bed

I saw a daddy longlegs upside-down, quite dead


I saw a daddy longlegs running round the sink

I saw a daddy longlegs drowning in my drink

I saw a daddy longlegs crawling through a crack

I saw a daddy longlegs ready to attack


I saw a daddy longlegs underneath a rock

I saw a daddy longlegs chewing someone's sock

I saw a daddy longlegs sitting on the stair

But I've never seen a mummy longlegs anywhere!

Chalk and Cheese*

Breakfast time, rusty nails

Toilet roll, humpback whales

Potage stamp, hairy ear

Muddy swamp, can of beer

Portuguese, heavy rocks

Totem pole, chicken pox

Violin, plastic bag

A to Z, oily rag

Football boot, buzzy bees

Cheese and chalk? Chalk and cheese


(*’Chalk and cheese’ is an expression given to two people or things that have nothing in common)

I Could Write...

I could write a poem

Standing in the shower

I could write a poem

At the witching hour

I could write a poem

On the count of three

I could write a poem

Drinking Earl Grey tea

I could write a poem

Standing on my head

I could write a poem

Once I’m stone cold dead

I could write a poem

In ten seconds flat

I could write a poem

...Just like that!


I could write a poem

Bareback a horse

I could write a poem

With a pen (of course)

I could write a poem

Running down the road

I could write a poem

Even in Morse Code

I could write a poem

Walking on the moon

I could write a poem

Very, very soon

I could write a poem

Climbing up a wall

But since you left me...

I can't write anything at all

Taking My Pen for a Walk

I'm taking my pen for a walk

I'm teaching my pen how to talk

My new ink-filled friend and me

Making fine poetry

I'm taking my pen for a walk


I'm taking my pen for a run

Together we're having real fun

Producing great writing

That's thrilling, exciting

I'm taking my pen for a run


I'm taking my pen for a stroll

Here's verse 3 - ‘cos we're on a roll

There's no way of knowing

Where our story's going

I'm taking my pen for a stroll


I'm taking my pen out to play

She always has so much to say

With thoughts never boring

Once ideas start pouring

I'm taking my friend out to play


I'm taking my pen for a hike

I tell her “Create what you like”

A super sensation!

Such imagination!

I'm taking my pen for a hike


I'm taking my pen for a ride

The journey? I let her decide

Rhymes, rhythms are flowing

Sheer brilliance, mind-blowing

I'm taking my pen for a ride


I'm taking my pen for a walk

I'm teaching my pen how to talk

My new ink-filled friend and me

Making this poetry

I'm taking my pen for a walk


Idioms*

A bee's in my bonnet

A monkey's on my back

A bat's in my belfry

And I can smell a rat


A flea's in my ear

A frog's in my throat

I've ants in my pants

Now someone's got my goat


There are butterflies in my stomach

I feel a total wreck

Cos these idioms are albatrosses

Around my neck


*an idiom is an expression that means something different than the literal meaning of the words would suggest

The Poet's Day Off*

I've written over 1000 poems in my lifetime

Tired and in need of a break

I'm finally taking a day off

So here's how you can create your own poem in my absence:


1. Let your senses take in the world around you

2. Tap into your feelings and experiences from deep down in your heart and soul

3. Harness your inspiration to select a poetry theme

4. Write some amazing words, lines and verses using as many letters as you want from abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

5. Try rhymezone.com if you choose to rhyme and find it difficult

6. Check out thesaurus.com when you're in need of synonyms

7. Include powerful imagery through adjectives, similes, metaphors etc

8. Complete your first draft, then a second, third, fourth – as many as it takes to make it perfect

9. Catch the reader's eye by adding a *clever title

10. Have one last check for speling misttakes and other eerrors

11. Print or handwrite your final version

12. Share it with friends and family


Congratulations - you've done!

Which is just as well

As I'll be back to work tomorrow...


Oxymorons*

The painting is a real fake

The zombie - living dead

It is an open secret

That green makes me see red

Her problems are growing smaller

This sweet is extremely sour


When we're alone together

Each minute is an hour

You're seriously funny

Me? Clearly misunderstood

But don't you think that oxymorons

Are so terribly good?


(Or, if not, let's agree to disagree)


*an oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines contradictory words with opposing meanings

Disco Dad

Head for the hills!

Run for the door!

Chaotic action is hitting the floor

Thinks he's so super cool

A real Jack the Lad

But he's a dance disaster

He's a Disco Dad


Legs flick and kick

Arms fly and flail

Bashing and bruising both follow his trail

Boasts he's top of the pops

And the latest fad

Mister Dance Disaster

He's a Disco Dad


Lurches a lot

Spins on the spot

Miserably failing to 'do the robot'

Embarrassing parent

Worst nightmare you've had

Total dance disaster

He's a Disco Dad

Punk, grime or rock

Rap or hip hop

Now out of control and refusing to stop

Has moving or grooving

Ever been this bad?

Danger! Dance disaster!

He's a Disco Dad


Disco Dad

Disco Dad

PLEASE - turn off the music!

Here comes Disco Dad!

Build Me a Planet

Build me my own planet to live on

A world to be my special home

I won’t disrespect it

Or damage or wreck it

Or worry that I am alone


Existing in private seclusion

Away from the whole human race

With no one to spoil it

I’d love and enjoy it

My paradise in outer space


Like Earth once was in the beginning

There’d be no pollution at all

Just perfect conditions

Near zero emissions

Pure water in every rainfall


The animals would roam ‘round freely

Soar skyward or swim in the seas

I’d know how to treat them

Not harm them, not eat them

Instead they could do as they pleased


Build me my own planet to live on

A heaven for me, not for you

Don’t come to explore it

Forget it, ignore it

So it can stay shiny brand new

This Poem

This poem wasn’t written by me

Remi, Rose, Aneena

Millie, Mason, Maddison

Arif, Albertina

Stefan’s sister Sophia

Katie, Conor, Karis

Hugo, Hawa, Harrison

Pierre (he’s from Paris)

Nabil, Nelson, Nicolette

Esme, Ely, Eddie

Tommy, Tia, Tahir, Tim

Freya, Flora, Freddie

Ali, Anastasia

Jasmine, Jacob or John

So as the author is unknown

It must be…


By Anon

Elastic Band

When I first held an elastic band

It moved like magic in my hand

What an amazing piece of rubber

Losing its shape only to recover


It streeeetched

It straaaained

And streeeetched again


Morphing into so many things

A catapult

A bracelet!

A ball!

A ring!


It streeeeeeeetched

It straaaaaaaained

And streeeeeeeetched again


Flicking, pinging

Twisting, twirling

Twanging, strumming

Bending, curling


It streeeeeeeeeeeetched

It straaaaaaaaaaaained

And streeeeeeeeeeeetched again


Until I had an unfortunate mishap

It streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetched

It straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaained

Then, oh dear...

It ssssssssss napped!

Acrophobic Superhero

When I do my job I'm extremely efficient

There's one vital skill though at which I'm deficient

I jump, run and swim

I can win any fight

But this superhero is frightened of heights


This terror I have I'm embarrassed to mention

I look up and instantly have hypertension

Bad guys climb tall buildings

Then vanish from sight

Yes this superhero is frightened of heights


The super crooks lose me as soon as they're flying

I shake like a leaf ever stressed out and crying

Stuck to the floor frozen

Extremely uptight

Cos this superhero is frightened of heights


The villains soar skyward with their stolen money

They laugh at me grounded and think that it's funny

My might is less mighty

My future less bright

While this superhero is frightened of heights


Despite my fear I'm never down, filled with sorrow

I have my first therapy session tomorrow

So please, cross your fingers

Hope I'll be alright

And not a superhero frightened of heights



Creaky Door

Creaky door you drive me nuts

When you open, when you shut

Your noise nestles in my head

Rolling round till I see red


Horror movie sound effect

Making me a nervous wreck

Earplugs are no help at all

Still I hear you through the wall


Oiling you - that did no good

Nor did polishing your wood

Why can’t you be silent, smooth

Every time you need to move?


Thought I’d bought a normal door

Like the others in the store

But since you came home last week

You just creeeeeeeaaaaaaak!

And creeeeeeeaaaaaaak!

And creeeeeeeaaaaaaak!

Zoo

The tortoises were tumbling

The bumblebees were bumbling

The pandas were meandering

The pangolins were dangling

The pelicans were pondering

The wallabies were wandering


The mandrills were admiring

The penguins were perspiring

The manatees were muttering

The scorpions were spluttering

The cockatoos were doodling

The catfish were canoodling


The chimpanzees were chest-beating

The anteaters were ant-eating

The porcupines were prattling

The buffalos were battling

The wildebeests were wiggling

The seahorses were squiggling


And what did the human do?

He wrote this poem all about

The creatures in the zoo

Why Can't I Be a Pirate?

Why can't I be a pirate?

I'd sail the Seven Seas

With utter joy

Shout “Land ahoy!”

Then drop the anchor where I please


Why can't I be a pirate?

Unquestionably cool

Hunt treasure chests

North, south, east, west

Select my crew from friends at school


Why can't I be a pirate?

I'd never walk the plank

Spot me on board

Spyglass and sword

Gold coins stashed safely in my bank


Why can't I be a pirate?

I'd give it a real try

My dream career

A buccaneer

“Raise skull and crossbones to the sky!”


Why can't I be a pirate

And live a life afloat?

Cos there's a hitch

A tiny glitch...

I don't possess a ship or boat

Never Wear Shorts

Never wear shorts in the winter

Never wear shorts in a breeze

You'll catch a chill, feel very ill

And both your knees will freeze


Never wear shorts when it's bitter

Never wear shorts when it's bleak

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!

You'll be in bed all week


Never wear shorts in a blizzard

Never wear shorts in the snow

Two legs + ice = not nice

While cutting cold winds blow


Never wear shorts if it's zero

Never wear shorts if it's brisk

Bare limbs turn blue, you'll catch the flu

Now is that worth the risk?


But...

Always wear shorts in the summer

Always wear shorts in the heat

Then you can plan a healthy tan

From thighs down to your feet!