Charlie the Chipetarian

Laura was a librarian
Suzy a Sagittarian
Reggie a Rastafarian
But Charlie
Was a chipetarian 

Chips were the only food he’d eat
No salad
No fruit
No veg
No fish
And definitely no meat
He was chock-a-block with chips from his head down to his feet
He’d salivate and lick his lips
At the thought of piles and piles of chips

People said
“You’ll turn into a French fry
“You’ll turn into a spud”
He had a litre of chip fat
Coursing through his blood
And once he’d finished his chip supper
What would be his snack for later?
He had no doubt about his choice
Another chipped potato

He was full of chips to the brim
Not enough
Green stuff
Or vitamins
Went into him
‘Cause he ate
And ate
And ate
And ate
The mountains of chips stacked up on his plate

His mum said he’d never live to twenty
(Never mind make an octogenarian)
If he stuck with his decision
To be a chipetarian
The staff mistook him for a whale
At the the local aquarium
He was so overweight
He couldn’t get a date
He accidentally squashed eleven of his mates
When the lake froze over in winter
He was not allowed to skate
The fire brigade had to cut him free
From his front garden gate
But he remained a devout follower
Of the chipetarian cause
Shovelling more chips inside him
Without a moment’s pause
Scales strained and broke due to his size
As he changed into a giant chip
Before his family’s eyes

It was all rather strange
It was all rather weird
Till finally disaster struck
As everyone had feared

Last Monday he came home
Peckish after school
He ate a single chip then said
“I’m feeling pretty full”
Then came a loud BOOM and BANG
Charlie was in smithereens
All over his living room

The moral of this story
Is clear for all to see
If you don’t want size two-hundred hips
If you don’t want to bust your zips
If you don’t want to be blown to bits
Then follow this advice from me
Chips are fine
Some of the time
But not for breakfast
And tea

Laura was a librarian
Suzy a Sagittarian
Reggie a Rastafarian
But Charlie
Was a chipetarian