There’s an obesity explosion out there

Who’s shrinking all the clothes we wear?

Half the world’s starving

Cos the other half don’t want to share

Or want to care

Feeling peckish?

Make that one gigantic steak

À la United States

To cover my plate

Medium rare

We’re all loosening our trousers

Building bigger doorways for our houses

Not getting fitter

But fatter

Healthy diets are in tatters

Pass that Mars Bar cooked in batter

There’s an obesity explosion

Like a 100 megaton nuclear bomb

No point going to the gym

To tighten that skin

You’re too far gone

Employing your mouth as a junk food dustbin

You can’t squeeze any more high calorie snacks in

We’re egged on by glossy magazines

Full of cordon blue cuisine

No respite or break

From recipes for cake

Ads for Cadbury’s Flake

And doughnuts oozing double cream

Your wardrobe’s bursting at the seams

There’s an obesity explosion

“All you can eat for a fiver”

“Buy two get one free”

Do you mean a burger or a coronary?

Supersize me

Mesmerise me

Tantalise me

Hypnotise me

With double Cokes

KFC, Big Macs

Treble French fries

Jumbo packs

We’re not all right Jack

We’re one step away from a national heart attack

Too many massive arses looking ridiculous in slacks

And have you noticed how fridges are getting bigger too?

Bloody enormous

An average Brit now weighing more than a hippopotamus

Weightwatchers Anonymous

Help the lot of us

What’s wrong with us?

We’re reducing the capacity of every bus

One bum for every two seats

Folk unable to recall the last time they saw their feet

There’s an obesity explosion

The media say “eat, eat, eat!”

And also “thin, thin, thin!”

They don’t give a toss so long as their dosh keeps rolling in

Recipes for sticky toffee pudding

Next to top ten tips for dieting

And an article on tragic Amy who died of anorexia – or was it bulimia?

Your shopping list is getting obscener and obscener

With every passing week

Now we’re feeding up our kids like Christmas turkeys

So they’re looking like genetically interbred freaks

Please exercise some caution

Minimise those portions

Tip those fizzy drinks

Down the sink

Or your ticker will go on the blink

Sooner than you think

You’re on the brink

Cracking the ice at your local rink

There’s an obesity explosion

Stapled stomachs

Tummy tucks

Liposuction

It literally sucks

Our body mass is such a mess

We all need an extra mirror to see ourselves undressed

Too many men with breasts

Better wise up and start eating less

Turn over a new lettuce leaf

Or it’s my belief

That the whole of Great Britain

Will be too small for us to fit in

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Put down that two pounder fried pork chop

Or you’ll drop

And God (if he exists) will sit in judgement and say “fair cop”

So pour water on that blue touch paper

Restrain yourself from stuffing

Learn to love a leaner belly

Say “It’s already got enough in”

And consign obesity…

To history