I Wish I was a Sumo Wrestler

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
I’d never see my feet
My bottom would be big enough to occupy three seats

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
My clothes would never fit me
I’d squash and sit on anyone who punched or kicked or hit me

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
I’d wrestle for a living
I’d eat your whole fridge for my tea plus forty-three roast chickens

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
They’d say “Look at the size of his belly!”
I’d wobble walking down the street just like a giant jelly

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
Heavier than twenty trucks
If you let me in your front door I would probably get stuck

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
A hero from Japan
A bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy million ouncy man

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
My weight would bust your bed
And I’d cause a massive tidal wave if I swam in the Med

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
As humungous as can be
I’d not fit upon the screen of your portable TV

I wish I was a sumo wrestler
A martial arts gold medal winner
And if YOU sniggered at my stomach’s size…
I’D MASH YOU UP FOR DINNER