Russell the Brussels Sprout

I'm Russell the Brussels Sprout

A roughy
A toughy
A beast
And a lout
I bully my way onto your plate
I'm rude
I'm crude
I'm the food you most hate
Bad Bill Broccoli is my best mate
I'm Russell the Brussels Sprout

I'm small
So uncool
A poisonous ball
Awfully obnoxious
And not sweet at all
Can you think of a more horrid vegetable
Than me - Russell the Brussels Sprout?

I'll ruin your delicious Christmas dinner
Give you frightening nightmares as well
If you want `disgusting' then I'm a winner
I'm cooked in the kitchens of hell

I'm mean
I'm green
Utterly obscene
You'd prefer a cute carrot or a beautiful bean
Cover me in ketchup
Smother me in sauce
Drown me in gravy
I'll still spoil your main course
If I'm finally swallowed it's often by force
I'm Russell the Brussels Sprout

I'm deadly and foul
I'm putrid and rotten
And bitter – so best left in Tesco forgotten
I'm the storm cloud to spoil the sunniest day
'Cause I make so much wind that I'll blow you away
All children scream “YUCK” when they see me and say
“I don't want Russell the Brussels Sprout”