That Won't Cheer Me Up

You could give me warm sloppy cuddly hugs
Buy me Batman duvets with matching rugs
But that won't cheer me up

You could drag me to a restaurant for a slap up feast
Book me four free holidays in the Far East
Pay off the judges so I win X-Factor
Go to a farm and steal me a tractor
But that won't cheer me up

You could suggest a shopping spree in a sweet shop
Or purchase me a pair of Union Jack silk socks
Take me for a drive your Dad's new Lamborghini
Stuff my face full of homemade fettuccine
Allow me to stroke your pet Alsatian
Get rid of our woodlice infestation
But that won't cheer me up

You could let me open Christmas presents in June
Send me on safari to photograph baboons
Tickle me non-stop with a giant goose feather
Guarantee February will bring sunny weather
Offer me a bite of your bacon sandwich
Make me Mayor of the City of Norwich
Treat me to a twenty pound note from your purse
Reassure me things couldn't get much worse
But that won't cheer me up
I'll still be gloomy, grim and grey because...

Tottenham Hotspur lost today