I'm often called 'Nice' like the French port in the Med
While some refer to me as 'Nice' and rhyme my name with 'rice' instead
Although I taste of coconut and I'm sugar crystal topped
That's normally just about where the interest in me stops

I'm a cardboard rectangle with my edges serrated
The most boring, bland cookie to have been created
Like crumbling, dried cement with little flavouring
No chocolate, cream, raisins or jam for savouring

Why would you pick me to have with your tea
Instead of Hobnobs, Jaffa Cakes or Garibaldi
Bourbons, macaroons or ginger nuts?
Sadly my case is clearly open and shut

I should have been crunched up on the factory floor
I should have been locked up behind the bakery door
Whenever people pass around selection tins
My classy friends are chosen while I'm left in

I won't ever take the biscuit 'cause I'm too uncool
You can pronounce me how you want...but I'm NOT nice at all