Do you want a latte, espresso, frappuccino, cappuccino, Al Pacino?
I just want a coffee

In a mug, a jug, a bucket, a glass
On an intravenous drip
Or via a tube up your…?
No thanks I think I’ll pass - I just want a coffee

Italiano, Americano, Lamborghini, fettuccini?
And this week’s special flavour is melon and pork pie
No, please sometime before I die - I just want a coffee

Decaffeinated, decontaminated, irradiated or fair traded?
Grown in destroyed rainforest areas
From which we’ve been exonerated
‘Cause were a green company
Stuff your environmental policy - I just want a coffee

Is that humungous, large, tall, mini
Milk: skinny, semi-skinny or coronary?
CalI me Mr Simplicity but I just want a coffee

Extra hot
In an earthenware pot
Chocolate sprinkles, cinnamon wrinkles, sugar crinkles?
Or – if you answer a simple question on nuclear physics - you can have the lot
For free
Not me - I just want a coffee
Whipped cream and a flake?
Give me a break – I just want a coffee

That’s Maxwell House Instant
Plastic cup
Hot water
Fill it up
I just want a coffee

Sir, when it comes to coffee
I can see you’re a difficult man to please
Have you thought about trying
One of our massive range of teas…?