My Mate Gordon

My mate Gordon is a poet
And a decorator
He discusses the delights of Dulux
Like an expert alliterator
Paints pour off his paintbrush
Rhythms roll off his tongue
He’s up the ladder composing sonnets
While standing on the top rung
As comfortable hanging wallpaper
As with personification
And the pun
My mate Gordon

If you need a bit of plastering
He’ll cover up those bricks
While reciting ballads, odes, epitaphs and limericks
He’s a man of many tricks
Combining skills gives him his kicks
Who wrote his last poem on my wall with his stirring sticks?
My mate Gordon

A man of many talents
Who wears two hats
He’ll perform requests like his `Decorators Rap’
For you
Then he’ll varnish the door for you
Then re-concrete the floor for you
Then select a metaphor for you

He’s in London’s Yellow Pages
That run from `A’ to `Zee’
Under D for `Decorator’
And under P for `Poetry’
From Wimbledon to West Ham
From Mill Hill to New Malden
Who you gonna call?
My mate Gordon

His business card confounds and confuses
Mr Taxman wants a word too
His poems are often finished off
With putty, tile adhesive or glue
If you’re looking for a rhymer
Covered in gloss, undercoat and primer
Then go for the guy
Who mixes perfect poetry with dazzling DIY
My mate Gordon’s the one to choose
(And if he doesn’t pick his phone up
Then search the B&Qs)
If you like keeping your favourite films buy a DVD to record on
If you like the look of silicon then get the Sun with Jordon
If you like religion wear a t-shirt with a picture of the Lord on
If you like ignoring fashion trends then go to work with cords on
If you like eating open sandwiches see the menu with smorgasbord on
But if like a poet who can decorate
Then hire
My mate