Chingford, E4

On north-east London’s edge
Home of 4 by 4s with the latest reg
Private schools of privilege
And the animal-shaped privet hedge
As plain as meat, potatoes and two veg
If you leave the Capital for Essex 
Then you’d best ignore
Where even the lions whisper 
And never raise a roar
Chingford, E4

Men play at DIY in their garden shed
This town’s streets have got no street cred
Want excitement? Then spend the day asleep in bed
Or visit the morgue instead
‘Cause you’ll get a lot more
Than in the place that’s a perpetual nil-nil draw 
(No score)
Chingford, E4

Full of white middle classes
Talking loft extensions, golf
Oh so up there own arses
People making sideways not forward passes
While the flags of St George are ominously waving
Where the Freemasons want to bring back slave trading
Where restless `yoof’ are misbehaving
‘Cause this ‘hoods got no clubs or raves in
So of course they break the law 
Chingford, E4

Streets full of: 
Gossip speakers
Tall story talkers
Finger waggers
Pedigree dog walkers
Trolley pushing OAPs
Nosey curtain stalkers
Tory blue to the core
This ain’t Brixton, Camden or Highbury
The most `in’ venue is the Library
Chingford, E4

Commuters swarm to City jobs via the train station
Residents protest about Tesco’s planning application
Mr Angry’s supporting letter’s in the local rag
Why don’t he get a life and go and have a shag?
Last refuge for the dinosaur
Chingford, E4

The Green is brown with dog poo
If you like horse manure
The roads are full of that too
Chingford’s paler than pale ale
A windless sail
Slower than British Rail
An arthritic snail
Minus 100 on the Richter Scale
Looking for Suburbia’s Holy Grail?
Check us out on the map
Find blandness on tap
For a day out that’s crap
Come and explore
Where you go to when you draw
The shortest of short strawzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Chingford, E4