How to Spot a Horse

If it won't go wild for hay
Isn't black, brown, white or grey
Never whinnies, never neighs
Then it's probably not a horse

If no rider's on its back
If it doesn't love to hack
Always greets you with a quack
Then it's probably not a horse

If it can't canter or trot
Won't eat carrots (cold or hot)
Sails the oceans in a yacht
Then it's probably not a horse

If it's loathing sugar lumps
Wants to hop instead of jump
If it's grown one or two humps
Then it's probably not a horse

If its neck's without a main
If it owns a largish brain
Parachutes from aeroplanes
Then it's probably not a horse

BUT
If it won't fit under tables
Is found in a field or stable
Has 'HORSE' written on its label
Then of course, of course, of course
It's most definitely, certainly, positively...a horse!