Popcorn!

I like popcorn

Popping in the pan

I like popcorn

I'm its biggest (POP!) fan

I like popcorn

Whether (POP!) salt or sweet

I (POP!) like popcorn

'Cos it’s neat, neat, (POP!) neat


I like popcorn

Buy (POP!) a mega pack

I like (POP!) popcorn

Such a perfect snack

I like popcorn

Cooked (POP! POP!) but never raw

I like popcorn

Can I (POP!) have some more?


I (POP!) like popcorn

While I watch (POP!) TV

I like popcorn

With a cup of tea (POP!)

I like popcorn

From (POP!) the popcorn shop

I like popcorn

When it pops! Pops! Pops!

(POP!)

Sensible

When the lesson began Sir advised us

“Sit next to somebody sensible”

I looked around...


Ella had tied her pigtails tightly under her chin and couldn't undo the knots

Harrison’s socks were on the floor while he was showing us how he could bite his own toenails

Reuben insisted he was going to quack like a duck for the rest of the day rather than talk

Li Jing had covered her entire face with an orange felt tip pen and glitter glue

Azeeb was impersonating a hamster by stuffing both of his cheeks with large pickled onions

Rohaan was licking his desk – again!

Caitlin had tipped the litter bin out onto her head and was whistling loudly

Ollie warned me that Malcolm, his invisible pet anaconda, was already occupying the chair beside him

Fin was wearing a wellington boot on one foot and a flip flop on the other

Jenson's seat was empty as he'd been hiding in the cupboard in the corridor since yesterday

Natalia had blown up a piece of bubblegum until it was larger than her head

Bhavna really did believe she was the Queen of England and was only responding to those addressing her as 'Your Majesty'

Nic and Narine were busy holding hands and blowing kisses to eachother

Malik was frantically trying to stop them by pulling stupid faces

Millie – who only ever spoke English - was trying to recite the Russian alphabet backwards

And Connor, for no obvious reason, was dressed as a Roman Centurion


So, wisely I thought, I sat by myself

Until Miss yelled

“Neal, please - be sensible!”

Empathy

I know what you know

I hear what you hear

I sense what you sense

I fear what you fear


I taste what you taste

I smell what you smell

The memories you have

I have them as well


I walk in your steps

I stand in your shoes

I get what you say

Tuned into your views


I laugh when you laugh

I'm sad when you're sad

A genuine friend

The closest you've had


I think what you think

I see what you see

I feel what you feel

I am Empathy



Living Next Door to a Viking

He stands with a spear in his doorway

From Sweden or Denmark or Norway

Iron helmet and beard

It’s just as I feared

I’m living next door to a Viking


He tells me he travels by longboat

Wears animal hide and a fur coat

His favourite drink

Is strong mead, I think

I’m living next door to a Viking


We welcomed him then he betrayed us

Insisting he's set to invade us

Since he first appeared

Things have got quite weird

I’m living next door to a Viking


He’s shining his shields every Sunday

And sharpening swords every Monday

A huge fan of Thor

And weapons and war

I’m living next door to a Viking


An expert on our Middle Ages

Throws tempers and tantrums and rages

Valhalla’s his aim

He’s fighting again!

I’m living next door to a Viking

A Letter to Me

I'm writing a letter to me

You might think that sounds really strange

But everyone messages, emails and texts

I thought it would make such a change


I'm uncertain what to include

I already know all my news

Yet can't recall when I last wrote with a pen

So ink is the method I choose


Don't say I don't move with the times

A technophobe stuck in the past

The personal touch of a handwritten note

Is sure to lift anyone's heart


I'll slip in a photo or two

My cat or my dog or my friends

Then sign it “Love Me” with an 'X' for a kiss

When I reach that bit at the end


I'm writing a letter to me

Now adding a stamp and address

Receiving new post is the thing I like most

The old ways are sometimes the best


The Curse of Acrostics

Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Children love these poems because they think they are so easy to write

Real poets almost always avoid them

OMG - I've seen so many awful ones over the years

Stifling self-expression, language development and creativity

Teachers: please seek out other poetry styles

If you're unsure ask me* or another poet

“Can we create haikus instead?” NO!

(Same problem)

(*see cccpworkshops.co.uk)


Surprise Package

Cara, Cassie

Georgia, Gemma

Rosie, Roxy

Erin, Emma

What will we call Mum's new baby?


Amy, Ali

Uma, Una

Bella, Becky

Lauren, Luna

What will we call Mum's new baby?


Lizzy, Lara

Sue, Serena

Mandy, Megan

Ann, Alina

What will we call Mum's new baby?


Abi, Alice

Heidi, Hannah

Tegan, Tara

Jess, Joanna

What will we call Mum's new baby?

Dannielle, Debbi

Precious, Polly

Zena, Zahra

Maisie, Molly

What will we call Mum's new baby?

What will we call Mum's new baby?

WHAT WILL WE CALL MUM'S NEW BABY?*

(*When she finally arrived, we decided to call HIM Max)

Police Car

Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

I'm a police car


Siren screeching, flashing light

Twisting, turning through the night

Helping to uphold the law

Hear my engine rip and roar


Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

I'm a police car


If a crook commits a crime

I'm there in the nick of time

Never ever call me 'slow'

Grab my steering wheel and GO!


Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

I'm a police car


Swerving, curving round the bend

Robbers, thieves to apprehend

Other traffic's left for dead

While I'm racing on ahead


Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

I'm a police car


Find me in the fastest lane

To the rescue yet again

Speed limits are not for me

999! Emergency!


Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

Nee-nee, nah-nah

I'm a police car

I'm a police car

I'm a police caaaaaaaaaaaaar!


Lost Chameleon

I lost my chameleon

Where did he go?

He could be white

Sleeping in the snow

He could be brown

Eating chocolate bars

He could be silver

Next to our new car

He could be grey

Resting in nan's hair

He could be mauve

Slouching in mum's chair

He could be beige

Near my sister's skirt

He could be blue

Curled up with my shirt

He could be red

Dipped in chilli sauce

He could be yellow

Chewing cheese (of course)

He could be orange

At the traffic light

He could be black

In the dead of night

He could be pink

Perched upon a rose

He could be green

Poking out your nose

He doesn't write

And he doesn't phone

If you see him

Please, can you send him home?

Listen

It's the bang of a drum

It's a sweet tune to hum

Popping burst bubblegum

Just listen


It's the news on TV

It's a storm in the sea

Tweeting birds in a tree

Just listen


It's a loud clanging bell

It's a scream, it's a yell

I've a secret to tell

Just listen


It's the bark of a hound

It's the noisiest sound

Keep your ear to the ground

Just listen


It's two friends playing snap

It's your hands when you clap

“Please beware – mind the gap!”

Just listen


It's the beat of your heart

It's a skill, it's an art

Do you want to be smart?

Then shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...


Just listen

Alien Attack!

The media is saying:


“An alien spaceship hovered up high

“Then thousands of aliens dropped from the sky

“So evil and mean, a horrible bunch

“They ate the Prime Minister for their lunch

“Our army and air force are in retreat

“The navy was sunk in just a heartbeat

“They're threatening us with their neutron gun

“The sensible thing you should do is run

“Big towns are burning, huge cities ablaze

“Experts claim Earth could be conquered in days”


But as I am thinking this news is the worst

I remember the date – it's April the first!

Bare Patch

“There's a bare patch on the back lawn!”

Said Dad one hot, dry summer's day

So I peered out of the window and surprisingly I saw:

A polar bear avoiding the heat relaxing in a freezing ice bath

A spectacled bear strangely not wearing any spectacles at all

A giant panda chomping away on a huge pile of bamboo

A grizzly bear being extremely grizzly

A koala climbing a tree insisting she was in fact not a bear but a marsupial

And many other bears I'm sure I recognised:

A suitcase-carrying bear newly arrived from Peru

A cute cuddly bear dipping his paws in a massive honey pot accompanied by a gloomy-faced donkey and a springy tiger

An old-fashioned white bear wearing matching yellow chequered trousers and scarf and a red top

A trio of bears constantly complaining about a young girl breaking into their house, messing up their furniture and eating their porridge

A fuzzy brown bear dressed in just a hat and tie telling terrible jokes to a frog and a pig - “Waka! Waka!”

A singing and dancing bear searching for Mowgli - his best friend from the jungle

“WHAT AN AMAZING, ASTONISHING, INCREDIBLE SCENE!” I screamed

And my little sister replied “That's nothing - check out our next-door neighbour's dinosaur patch!

Cowboy Life

A cowboy life's a dream to me

Silver sheriff's badge pinned to my chest

The star of every rodeo

On my cowboy ranch in the Wild West


I'd slowly stroll into the town

Wearing steel-spurred boots and Stetson hat

And leather holster 'round my waist

Draw my pistol in one second flat


The cattle drives would be such fun

With my lasso flying through the air

In hot and thirsty desert sun

Golden sand, green cacti everywhere


Cook by the campfire every night

Eating giant steaks and beans of course

But first, to lead that cowboy life

I must save up hard...to buy a horse.


Strictly No Unicorns

I've always assumed I could write a poem on any topic

Until an eight-year old asked me

“Have you got one about unicorns?”

“No” I responded

“The creatures have never really inspired me”


“But why not?” She replied enthusiastically

“They're magical, majestic, wonderful, white

“Proud, prancing, brilliantly beautiful beasts”

“With unique horns”

(And that was the best pun I'd ever heard from a child)


I smiled at her

Scratched my head

Grabbed paper and pen

Sat down

And told her

“Just let me think about it

“Okay?”

The Day I Ate My School

Please Sir, I'm truly sorry

I know I broke the rules

But I felt so hungry lunchtime

I ate the entire school


Consuming every classroom

The field and playground too

The fences and the front gate

The library and the loos


I swallowed up the staffroom

The teachers sat within

The office swiftly followed

By every litter bin


The children were delicious

The TAs great to snack

Computers, sports equipment

Fed my hunger pang attack


The roof and walls were yummy

The doors and halls divine

The cars and carpark such a treat

All washed down with some wine


The Head yelled “Stop! Detention!

“After the home time bell!”

I turned around with open mouth

Devouring her as well


Now as you are reading this

You've no need to be sad

'Cos that was definitely the best school dinner

That I've ever had


(Mmmmmmm! Burp!)

Lost

Our teacher told us:


If your trousers have vanished

Or you've misplaced a shoe

Your sports kit's in limbo

Where's your pen? Not a clue


If your sandwich is missing

Last night's homework's vamoosed

Your school scarf is nowhere

Long-departed, cut loose


If your rucksack has scarpered

Taken off with your hat

The sweets in your pocket

Split the scene just like that


If the book you were reading

Ran away, upped and left

You reckon your sweatshirt

Is a victim of theft


If your birthday watch wandered

You can't track down your socks

Then please search our classroom's

New Lost Property Box


I replied:


Miss, I did what you said I should do

But the Lost Property Box...

Has disappeared too!

Living Next Door to a Rock Star

Guitars twang, cymbals clang, there's a bang on the drum

As the silence is shattered before it's begun

I don't care if he's cool

Massive cracks scar our wall!

I'm living next door to a rock star


Noisy music all day, rowdy parties all night

Brightness blazing non-stop, flashing dazzling lights

Though he's top of the pops

I'm still calling the cops

I'm living next door to a rock star


Not impressed with his attitude or lack of style

Every song is atrocious, his singing is vile

He says he's 'in the groove'

I just wished that he'd move

I'm living next door to a rock star


No surprise that his sports car is blocking our drive

Dad says that he owns one though I'd estimate five

To the end of our street

Hear that loud booming beat

I'm living next door to a rock star


Fans and camera crews constantly queue at his door

It feels like our whole neighbourhood's fighting a war

But revenge is now planned

'Cos I'm joining his band

Then...

He'll be living next door to a rock star!


The Challenge

A child asks me

“Neal – your poems always rhyme

“Can you write one that doesn't?”

So I try free verse

Not my natural style

But surely it's easy

Thousands of more words to choose from

Far less structure

It doesn't even require a rhythm

I'm up for the challenge


Theme selected

I begin

Inspired

Ideas flowing

Pen in hand

Scribbling frantically

Adrenalin rushing

Page filling

Transferring to my computer

I'm up for the challenge


I reach cruise control

My creation's taking shape

Like a crocus gradually poking its head towards spring's sunlight

I'm constantly crafting

Reviewing

Polishing

Sharpening

Amending

Improving

Editing

I'm up for the challenge


And it's looking real good!

Almost finished...

The final touches...

I'm doing just fine...

Until I fail

Miserably

On the very last line