Pull a Funny Face!

August 02, 2021 by Neal zetter

Be entertaining

Be inspiring

Leave them laughing

Keep them smiling

Help ‘serious’ vanish without a trace

And pull a funny face!

Roll your eyeballs

Mess your hair up

Flare your nostrils

Watch folk cheer up

Make an impression on the human race

And pull a funny face!

Be hysterical

Be hilarious

Grin and grimace

Act ridiculous

Look like an alien from outer space

And pull a funny face!

Poke your tongue out

Puff your cheeks too

Wiggle both ears

Shout “Moo, moo, moo!”

Show an expression of utter disgrace

And pull a funny face!

Be beguiling

Be pure potty

Stupid, silly

Dim, daft, dotty

The world will be a much happier place if you…

Pull a funny face!

Places

August 02, 2021 by Neal zetter

If it’s true that people

Tie knots in Nottingham

Drive cars in Cardiff

Make glass in Glasgow

Ring bells in Belfast

Do less in Leicester

Drink water in Waterloo

Burn things in Burnley

Keep wolves in Wolverhampton, swans in Swansea, and eels in Ealing

Crawl in Crawley

Fall down in Falkirk

Bark in Barking (surely not?)

Read in Reading

Are born in Bournemouth

But live in Liverpool

Then what do they do in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?

Conscience Calling

August 02, 2021 by Neal zetter

Hi, it’s Conscience calling

The voice inside your head

When you’re doing something bad I’m shouting “Stop - try this instead!”

Your Jiminy Cricket

A bright flashing light

Showing you what’s wrong

And how to put it right

Hi, it’s Conscience calling

I swim around your brain

If you’re being nasty, mean I’m yelling “Don’t do that again!”

Your hidden advisor

A red danger sign

When you make mistakes

It’s me who’ll change your mind

Hi, it’s Conscience calling

I live between your ears

Though always invisible I’ve been your guide for many years

Your emergency brake

A friend ever wise

Helping you review, reflect, rethink

And revise

When I Grow Up

July 15, 2021 by Neal zetter

When I grow up I want to:

Empty a whole bag of marshmallows onto my breakfast cereal each day

Travel to Patagonia* by submarine (*that's in Argentina, South America)

Spell 'Caribbean' and ‘necessary’ correctly without having to use a spellchecker or a dictionary

Change my middle name to 'Superpoet'

Go to bed whenever I like

Get out of bed whenever I like

Be much taller (though my Nan always says, “The best things come in small packages.”)

Dye my hair with shocking pink and electric blue stripes

NEVER marry Gemma in Class 5 (although she keeps asking me to marry her)

Keep a pet anaconda called 'Ralf'

Have this poem published in a book

Become a millionaire so I can donate all my money to the world's poorest people

Become Prime Minister so I can pass a law making every other millionaire do the same

Be able to update this list at any time in the future

Now, what about YOU?

Greetings

July 10, 2021 by Neal zetter

The pigs oink

The wolves howl

The tigers in the jungle growl

The crocodiles snap

The horses neigh

The birds tweet tweet then fly away

The dolphins click

The chickens cluck

“Quack, quack! Quack, quack!” reply the ducks

The snakes hiss

The bats screech

The mice all let out tiny squeaks

The frogs ribbit

The cows moo

But I say “Hi - how do you do?”

Holidaying with the Rhinoceros

July 02, 2021 by Neal zetter

Although it sounds preposterous

I'm holidaying with the rhinoceros

'Cos the bullfrog's baking bagels

The wolf went with me last week

The possum prefers to stay at home

The buzzard's cleaning his beak

The pig smells worse than a rubbish tip

The same can be said of the skunk

The tapir's watching television

The dingo's definitely drunk

The ibex can't be bothered

The llama's incredibly lazy

The chimpanzee is stuck up a tree

The coypu's completely crazy

The zebra's practising zoomies

The bison's having a bath

The gannet has flown to the Isle of Thanet

The hyena simply laughs...and laughs...and laughs

The salmon's sleeping silently

The whale has moved to Wales

The walrus wanders aimlessly

And I'm NOT taking the snails

The termite's playing tennis

The wrasse is just relaxing

The loris and the sloth of course

Find travelling far too taxing

So I'm holidaying with the rhinoceros

Ridiculous you might think

But it's something that I must do now

As he soon could become extinct

Unravelling

June 30, 2021 by Neal zetter

Some are much harder to follow

Is often the most enjoyable and rewarding part of all

So you might have to think, analyse and dig a little bit

Some poems are easy to understand

But that unravelling

To find meaning, heart and soul

Fractions

June 26, 2021 by Neal zetter

I've lost a tenth of my weight

My social life has shrunk by a third

I sleep for only a quarter of the night

I'm miserable for two-thirds of the day

I thought we were common denominators

But you left me

Now I'm half the man

I used to be

Lap Cat

June 24, 2021 by Neal zetter

She curls up

She furls up

She snuggles and swirls up

Enjoying an afternoon nap

So furry

So purry

So cinnamon whirly

My fine feline friend on my lap

Popcorn!

June 21, 2021 by Neal zetter

I like popcorn

Popping in the pan

I like popcorn

I'm its biggest (POP!) fan

I like popcorn

Whether (POP!) salt or sweet

I (POP!) like popcorn

'Cos it’s neat, neat, (POP!) neat

I like popcorn

Buy (POP!) a mega pack

I like (POP!) popcorn

Such a perfect snack

I like popcorn

Cooked (POP! POP!) but never raw

I like popcorn

Can I (POP!) have some more?

I (POP!) like popcorn

While I watch (POP!) TV

I like popcorn

With a cup of tea (POP!)

I like popcorn

From (POP!) the popcorn shop

I like popcorn

When it pops! Pops! Pops!

(POP!)

A Difficult Choice

June 19, 2021 by Neal zetter

The Hairy Hippos

Plastic Sofas

The Ice Pops

Tick Tick Boom!

Wild Wobbly Wellies

Yellow Yo-Yos

Men in Sheds

Goats Go Zoom

Two Tiny Teapots

PVA Glue

Sausages in the Sand

Can you please help

And suggest a name

For our brilliant

New rock band?

Sensible

June 13, 2021 by Neal zetter

When the lesson began Sir advised us

“Sit next to somebody sensible”

I looked around...

Ella had tied her pigtails tightly under her chin and couldn't undo the knots

Harrison’s socks were on the floor while he was showing us how he could bite his own toenails

Reuben insisted he was going to quack like a duck for the rest of the day rather than talk

Li Jing had covered her entire face with an orange felt tip pen and glitter glue

Azeeb was impersonating a hamster by stuffing both of his cheeks with large pickled onions

Rohaan was licking his desk – again!

Caitlin had tipped the litter bin out onto her head and was whistling loudly

Ollie warned me that Malcolm, his invisible pet anaconda, was already occupying the chair beside him

Fin was wearing a wellington boot on one foot and a flip flop on the other

Jenson's seat was empty as he'd been hiding in the cupboard in the corridor since yesterday

Natalia had blown up a piece of bubblegum until it was larger than her head

Bhavna really did believe she was the Queen of England and was only responding to those addressing her as 'Your Majesty'

Nic and Narine were busy holding hands and blowing kisses to eachother

Malik was frantically trying to stop them by pulling stupid faces

Millie – who only ever spoke English - was trying to recite the Russian alphabet backwards

And Connor, for no obvious reason, was dressed as a Roman Centurion

So, wisely I thought, I sat by myself

Until Miss yelled

“Neal, please - be sensible!”

Empathy

June 08, 2021 by Neal zetter

I know what you know

I hear what you hear

I sense what you sense

I fear what you fear

I taste what you taste

I smell what you smell

The memories you have

I have them as well

I walk in your steps

I stand in your shoes

I get what you say

Tuned into your views

I laugh when you laugh

I'm sad when you're sad

A genuine friend

The closest you've had

I think what you think

I see what you see

I feel what you feel

I am Empathy

Living Next Door to a Viking

May 23, 2021 by Neal zetter

He stands with a spear in his doorway

From Sweden or Denmark or Norway

Iron helmet and beard

It’s just as I feared