Missing Jigsaw Piece

I’m your jigsaw’s missing piece

Who's making you see red

In the place where I should be

Is a me-shaped hole instead


You can count just four-nine-nine

Piece 500 - there’s no sign


I’m your jigsaw’s missing piece

The one that can't be found

Search the box, the wrapping too

But you'll not spot me around


Look for me all day, all week

Still I’ll win at hide-and-seek


I’m your jigsaw’s missing piece

Frustrating little chap

Absent, vanished, disappeared

While you’re staring at a gap


The moral of this poem is clear to understand

Never buy a jigsaw if it's labelled ‘second hand’



Painters

Pollock painted splatters

Picasso painted cubes

Warhol painted soup cans

Freud painted nudes

Mondrian painted rectangles

Lowry painted street scenes

Kahlo and Emin painted self-portraits

Munch painted a scream

Lichtenstein painted comic-style

Klimt often used gold leaf

Cézanne painted landscapes

Flowers were the choice of O'Keeffe

Monet painted water lilies

Da Vinci painted that smile

Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel

Which took him quite a while

Hals painted a cavalier

Riley painted black and white

Vermeer painted an earring

Van Gogh - a starry night

Banksy painted walls

Dali painted the absurd

Turner painted ships and seas

And me? I painted words



Buttons

There are buttons on the TV

There’s a button on my belly

Many buttons made of chocolate

On top of my lemon jelly


There are buttons on my trousers

On my jacket, coat and shirt

There are buttons on Mum’s cardigan

And on my sister’s skirt


There are buttons on computer keyboards

And on calculators

You will always find a red ‘STOP’ button

On an escalator


There are buttons on remote controls

On phones, watches and clocks

There are buttons found on microwaves

(Though not on pairs of socks)


You can eat a button mushroom

My dog has a button nose

They are seen on washing machines

That clean and dry our clothes


There are buttons on the dashboards

Of cars, buses, trains and trucks

But I wonder what this button is

That’s labelled ‘SELF DESTRU…

BOOM!!!



Happy

He smiled, smirked, sniggered

Grinned, grimaced, giggled, guffawed


Whooped, wailed, howled, bellowed

Chuckled, chortled and roared


He screamed, shouted, shrieked, laughed until he cried

Cracked up in stitches and then split both his sides


I have many friends, like Carrie, Harry, Barry and Gary

But I’ve never had a friend...who’s as happy as Larry!

Interdependence

Without hot there's no cold

Without young there's no old

Without dark there's no light

Without wrong there's no right

Without short there's no long

Without weak there's no strong

Without good there's no bad

Without happy there's no sad

Without east there's no west

Without worst there's no best

Without truth there's no lie

Without live there's no die

Without sky there's no sea

Without you there's no me

At the Zoo

The tarantula was the scariest

The orangutan was the hairiest

The giant snail was the slimiest

The hippopotamus was the grimiest

The cheetah was the sportiest

The meerkat was the naughtiest

The walrus was the funniest

The rabbit was the bunniest

The elephant was the strongest

The anaconda was the longest

The crocodile was the snappiest

The hyena was the happiest

The bat was the creepiest

The sloth was the sleepiest

The shrew was the smallest

The giraffe was the tallest

The peacock was the proudest

And the lion was the

LOUDEST!

The Heart of the Matter

When my doctor examined me, I gave her a start

'Cos although she searched she couldn't find my heart


She moved her stethoscope under my vest

Left, right, centre, over my chest


She looked all around, prodding my back

Down both sides and across my six-pack


She said to me “You're a very strange case

“This vital organ's not in the right place”


I replied “Doc – I know it's hard to believe

“But I wear my heart...upon my sleeve!”

BOO!

You really caused me such a scare

I yelled, I screamed, lost half my hair

You should have warned me to beware

When you shouted “BOO!”


You made me nervous, full of fear

I cried aloud, I shed a tear

I stuck my fingers in both ears

When you shouted “BOO!”



You made me quiver, made me quake

You made me shiver, made me shake

From fast asleep, to wide awake

When you shouted “BOO!”



You sneaked inside my room at night

Hid in my cupboard, out of sight

Dressed as a ghost, in sheet of white

When you shouted “BOO!”



It’s not a clever thing to do

I jumped high like a kangaroo

So maybe tomorrow

...or the next day

...or the next day

...or the next day

I'll creep up on you

And then I'll shout “BOO!” too



School's Out?

You've worked very hard, with a massive brain ache

Any new lesson's far too much to take

Like the rest of your class, it's your time to unwind

The hot summer sunshine's distracting the mind


All tests are completed, reports handed out

Now holiday fun's what you're thinking about

Your teacher's exhausted, there's no more to learn

It's finally arrived – the last last day of term


Then the Head speaks these words that you don't want to hear

“See you in September - for another school year”


Shipwrecked

I’ve a message in a bottle

That I tossed into the sea

With these words I wrote upon it

‘Help! I'm shipwrecked - rescue me!’


It was swallowed by the currents

Of the sweeping, swirling tides

One small screwed up piece of paper

Praying for a prompt reply


From somebody showing pity

From somebody showing care

Who most certainly could save me

From this island - who knows where?


I am fed up, isolated

Every day is such a bore

On this land there's only sand

And when I look I see some more


I walk, paddle in the water

Sleep each night under a tree

Eat boiled beetles for my breakfast

Dried grass sandwiches for tea


So did my message cross the oceans

Through the sun, snow, wind and rain?

No I didn’t - I’m still stuck here

‘Cos it came straight back again ☹️

A Toucan Can

I can't fly high, tweet or sing

Hop in treetops, flap my wings

I certainty can't do those things

But I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can


I can't grab food with a bill

Perch upon your windowsill

Or nest in rainforests and chill

But I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can


I can't eat bugs – well would you?

Forage for some nuts to chew

But know a bird that can – guess who?

I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can

Don't Pop My Poppadom

You can pop both tyres on my bike

Pop my rubber ring if you like

Pop my bouncy castle with a spike

But don't pop my poppadom!


You can pop the bubbles in my bath

Pop my airbed for a laugh

Pop out in winter with my coat and scarf

But don't pop my poppadom!


You can pop my balloon with a pin or fork

Pop to the shops if you want a walk

Pop Dad's Champagne by removing its cork

But don't pop my poppadom!


You pop my plastic beachball too

Pop my sausage on the barbecue

Even pop a pufferfish at the zoo

But what's the thing you must never do?

Don't pop my poppadom!

Shhh!

I have good news to shout about

I'd love to share it, yell it out

Hang huge banners outside my home

Send many messages from my phone

Place advertisements in the media

Create a page on Wikipedia

Carve it on my garden wall

Announce it to each class at school

Plaster posters down my street

Inform everyone I meet

Parents! Uncles! Aunts! Brothers!

Sisters! Grandfathers! Grandmothers!

Cousins! Friends! Neighbours as well!

BUT shhh - it’s a secret

So I'm not allowed to tell


Stenophobia*

Alleyways creep me out

Especially at night

Narrow serpentine twistiness

With a lonely lack of light


Dirty, filthy litter

Stinky, sickly smells

Encased by tall concrete walls

High fences as well


Alleyways creep me out

Turning corners blind

Shadows grow in front of me

Footsteps follow behind


Feeding an anxiety

Deep down in my gut

Next time I'll take the long way round

Avoiding the scary shortcut


*Stenophobia is a fear of narrow things or places such as corridors, hallways or alleyways

On Reflection

My carbon copy in plain sight

Your right's my left, your left's my right

Can you see me like I see you?

Am I forever in your view?


My mirror image - we're the same

I bet you even use my name

You have my body and my clothes

My face (hair, eyes, mouth, ears and nose)


Where are you if I turn away?

What do you do all night and day?

'Cos though you're pleasing to look at

Life must be boring as you're flat


With your world fixed inside a frame

Perhaps you'll tire of this game

Until a time I'm not about

When you shatter your glass...

And jump right out!