Horror Movie

I’m screaming and shrieking

At the sight of something shocking

My ice cream’s melting

Both my knees are knocking

Gloomy storm clouds gather

Sunshine turns to rain

I promise not to watch

A horror movie again


The vampires are biting

While the gremlins are attacking

My heartbeat's rapid

Noisy thunder's cracking

And a nightmare’s brewing

Deep down in my brain

I promise not to watch

A horror movie again


The banshees are howling

At the zombies stiffly walking

I drop my popcorn

Watching shadows stalking

Now there’s tap-tap-tapping

On the window pane…

I promise not to watch

A horror movie again*


(*Well, not until Halloween)


Dictionary

Does the word ‘Tyrannosaurus’ trouble you?

Does ‘cacophony’ cause much confusion?

Do you know the difference between ‘whale’ and ‘wail’

and the meaning of ‘collusion’?


Does ‘flummox’ leave you, well, flummoxed?

Does ‘carousel’ cause your brain to whirl?

Are you unsure if you use an ‘e’ or a ‘u’

as the fourth letter in ‘unfurl’?


Are you stuck spelling ‘syllable’, ‘sausage’

‘vacuum’ and ‘unnecessary’?

Then take a look

in that very special book

Go on - reach for a Dictionary

My Nose

I can wiggle it or twitch it

I can make both nostrils flare

When I catch flu – ah...ah...ah...choo!

Then it sneezes everywhere


I can sniff it or whiff with it

If I'm sleeping it might snore

It smells odours, scents, aromas

Blow it too much it gets sore


Helping me to breathe the air in

Shorter than Pinocchio's

My beak, bugle, conk, snout, sniffer

I just know it as my nose

My Geography Class

Let me introduce you to my geography class:


There’s Fin Land

Bel Gium

Alf Ghanistan

Bo Livia

Ken Ya

Beverley Hills

Victoria Falls - best friends with Alice Springs

Ari Zona

Bela Rus

The ‘Ans’: An Tigua, An Gola, An Dorra, An Tarctic

The ‘Als': Al Geria, Al Bania, Al Aska

Guy Ana

Philipp Ines

The first names only table: Jordan, Georgia, Paris, Chad

Sydney Harbour

Ben Nevis

Liby A

Oz Stralia

And, of course, our teacher is…Miss Issippi


Missing Jigsaw Piece

I’m your jigsaw’s missing piece

Who's making you see red

In the place where I should be

Is a me-shaped hole instead


You can count just four-nine-nine

Piece 500 - there’s no sign


I’m your jigsaw’s missing piece

The one that can't be found

Search the box, the wrapping too

But you'll not spot me around


Look for me all day, all week

Still I’ll win at hide-and-seek


I’m your jigsaw’s missing piece

Frustrating little chap

Absent, vanished, disappeared

While you’re staring at a gap


The moral of this poem is clear to understand

Never buy a jigsaw if it's labelled ‘second hand’



Painters

Pollock painted splatters

Picasso painted cubes

Warhol painted soup cans

Freud painted nudes

Mondrian painted rectangles

Lowry painted street scenes

Kahlo and Emin painted self-portraits

Munch painted a scream

Lichtenstein painted comic-style

Klimt often used gold leaf

Cézanne painted landscapes

Flowers were the choice of O'Keeffe

Monet painted water lilies

Da Vinci painted that smile

Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel

Which took him quite a while

Hals painted a cavalier

Riley painted black and white

Vermeer painted an earring

Van Gogh - a starry night

Banksy painted walls

Dali painted the absurd

Turner painted ships and seas

And me? I painted words



Buttons

There are buttons on the TV

There’s a button on my belly

Many buttons made of chocolate

On top of my lemon jelly


There are buttons on my trousers

On my jacket, coat and shirt

There are buttons on Mum’s cardigan

And on my sister’s skirt


There are buttons on computer keyboards

And on calculators

You will always find a red ‘STOP’ button

On an escalator


There are buttons on remote controls

On phones, watches and clocks

There are buttons found on microwaves

(Though not on pairs of socks)


You can eat a button mushroom

My dog has a button nose

They are seen on washing machines

That clean and dry our clothes


There are buttons on the dashboards

Of cars, buses, trains and trucks

But I wonder what this button is

That’s labelled ‘SELF DESTRU…

BOOM!!!



Happy

He smiled, smirked, sniggered

Grinned, grimaced, giggled, guffawed


Whooped, wailed, howled, bellowed

Chuckled, chortled and roared


He screamed, shouted, shrieked, laughed until he cried

Cracked up in stitches and then split both his sides


I have many friends, like Carrie, Harry, Barry and Gary

But I’ve never had a friend...who’s as happy as Larry!

Interdependence

Without hot there's no cold

Without young there's no old

Without dark there's no light

Without wrong there's no right

Without short there's no long

Without weak there's no strong

Without good there's no bad

Without happy there's no sad

Without east there's no west

Without worst there's no best

Without truth there's no lie

Without live there's no die

Without sky there's no sea

Without you there's no me

At the Zoo

The tarantula was the scariest

The orangutan was the hairiest

The giant snail was the slimiest

The hippopotamus was the grimiest

The cheetah was the sportiest

The meerkat was the naughtiest

The walrus was the funniest

The rabbit was the bunniest

The elephant was the strongest

The anaconda was the longest

The crocodile was the snappiest

The hyena was the happiest

The bat was the creepiest

The sloth was the sleepiest

The shrew was the smallest

The giraffe was the tallest

The peacock was the proudest

And the lion was the

LOUDEST!

The Heart of the Matter

When my doctor examined me, I gave her a start

'Cos although she searched she couldn't find my heart


She moved her stethoscope under my vest

Left, right, centre, over my chest


She looked all around, prodding my back

Down both sides and across my six-pack


She said to me “You're a very strange case

“This vital organ's not in the right place”


I replied “Doc – I know it's hard to believe

“But I wear my heart...upon my sleeve!”

BOO!

You really caused me such a scare

I yelled, I screamed, lost half my hair

You should have warned me to beware

When you shouted “BOO!”


You made me nervous, full of fear

I cried aloud, I shed a tear

I stuck my fingers in both ears

When you shouted “BOO!”



You made me quiver, made me quake

You made me shiver, made me shake

From fast asleep, to wide awake

When you shouted “BOO!”



You sneaked inside my room at night

Hid in my cupboard, out of sight

Dressed as a ghost, in sheet of white

When you shouted “BOO!”



It’s not a clever thing to do

I jumped high like a kangaroo

So maybe tomorrow

...or the next day

...or the next day

...or the next day

I'll creep up on you

And then I'll shout “BOO!” too



School's Out?

You've worked very hard, with a massive brain ache

Any new lesson's far too much to take

Like the rest of your class, it's your time to unwind

The hot summer sunshine's distracting the mind


All tests are completed, reports handed out

Now holiday fun's what you're thinking about

Your teacher's exhausted, there's no more to learn

It's finally arrived – the last last day of term


Then the Head speaks these words that you don't want to hear

“See you in September - for another school year”


Shipwrecked

I’ve a message in a bottle

That I tossed into the sea

With these words I wrote upon it

‘Help! I'm shipwrecked - rescue me!’


It was swallowed by the currents

Of the sweeping, swirling tides

One small screwed up piece of paper

Praying for a prompt reply


From somebody showing pity

From somebody showing care

Who most certainly could save me

From this island - who knows where?


I am fed up, isolated

Every day is such a bore

On this land there's only sand

And when I look I see some more


I walk, paddle in the water

Sleep each night under a tree

Eat boiled beetles for my breakfast

Dried grass sandwiches for tea


So did my message cross the oceans

Through the sun, snow, wind and rain?

No I didn’t - I’m still stuck here

‘Cos it came straight back again ☹️

A Toucan Can

I can't fly high, tweet or sing

Hop in treetops, flap my wings

I certainty can't do those things

But I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can


I can't grab food with a bill

Perch upon your windowsill

Or nest in rainforests and chill

But I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can


I can't eat bugs – well would you?

Forage for some nuts to chew

But know a bird that can – guess who?

I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can

I bet a toucan can