From Parliament Hill

Some people climb hills

Because they like to stretch up high

Some people climb hills

Because they want to scrape the sky

Some people climb hills

To be much closer to their god

Some people climb hills

While they are out walking their dog

Some people climb hills

Because they seek a better view

Some people climb hills

Because they’ve nothing else to do

Some people climb hills

To keep themselves extremely fit

Some people climb hills

Just for the very hell of it

Some people climb hills

Because a mountain is too tall

Some people climb hills

Because they'd rather not feel small

Some people climb hills

Without knowing where they’re going

But today I climbed this hill

So I could sit and write a poem

Miss, Can I Go to the Toilet Please?

When I'm bored, need a rest

Stuck on my spelling test

Or when a lesson has failed to impress

“Miss, can I go to the toilet please?”

When I'm sleepy and tired

Disengaged, uninspired

I raise my hand and politely enquire

“Miss, can I go to the toilet please?”

When I'm not sharp or keen

Want a quick change of scene

Wish to go somewhere to wander and dream

“Miss, can I go to the toilet please?”

When my focus is poor

Feeling anxious, unsure

I always try that reliable cure

“Miss, can I go to the toilet please?”

When the learning's bad news

I'm struck down with school blues

You know the perfect excuse that I choose

“Miss, can I go to the toilet please?”

But beware!


When I really, really, really, really did

Want to go to the toilet

Miss said “NO!

“You've already been five times today!”

Interstellar Mum

My mum is interstellar

Zooming up into the atmosphere

My mum is interstellar

Soaring high into the stratosphere

Longing to touch stars that twinkle above her

Tells us of alien worlds to discover

Certainly quite an unusual mother

My mum is interstellar

Frequently visiting nebulae

My mum is interstellar

Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Mercury

Says Saturn's rings are a truly unique sight

View her through telescopes round about midnight

Leaving the Earth like a bullet of bright light

My mum is interstellar

Flying away in a big tin can

My mum is interstellar

Travel the Universe - that's her plan

Thinks that more regular work would be boring

Much prefers inter-galactic exploring

Blasting off daily with space rocket roaring

My mum is interstellar

Why don't you take a leaf from her book?

My mum is interstellar

Journey the cosmos - go take a look

When I grow up I won't be a train driver

Nor own a car or become a bike rider

Mum has the best job so I'll sit beside her

Because my mum is...



I want a bucket of cool water

To pour upon my head

I want to stop using plates

And eat meals from buckets instead

A bucket of chocolate would be good

With a bucket of the finest red wine

A bucket of diamonds, silver or gold

Would be absolutely fine

I'd like a bucket of love and friendship

Now I think you get the gist

I want buckets full of many things

To add to my bucket list


Knees tremble

Knees knock

Are frequently seen

Between shorts and socks

Never knee me hard

You could seriously hurt me

Playing in the park

Knees could become dirty

Grazed, cut or bruised

Unlike feet knees need no shoes

Or hats

Already possessing their own knee caps

Shaped like two big burger baps

“Heads, shoulders, knees and toes”

A rhyme time knee song everyone knows

Bend your knees

If you are knighted

“Arise Sir Neal”

Excited! Delighted!

Scoring Cs and Ds and Es?

Then maybe you are not the bee's knees

On your knees

Completely defeated

Aching knees?

Then be seated

I've known you since your were knee-high

But now we see each other eye-to-eye

As your knees grow nearer to the sky

Have a knees up

Get things rocking

Shaking knees?

Seen something shocking?

Indeed knees can cause great satisfaction

(And I don't say that

As a knee-jerk reaction)

They're lumpy, bumpy

Wibbly, wobbly

Knobbly, bobbly

So please, please, please

Let's hear it

For our knees!

It's Okay

It's okay to burp

It's okay to barf

It's okay to fart aloud

To snigger and to laugh

It's okay to sniff and sniff

Okay to pick your nose

It's okay to scratch your bum

Okay to bite your toes

It's okay to SHOUT!

And have dirty feet

It's okay to eat ear wax

When you sit down to eat

It's okay to wet your pants

But to keep our friendship going

You must never, never, never say

“I don't like your poem!”


I can't write a poem

I don't know where to start

I can't write a poem

It's much, much too difficult

I can't write a poem

What if I run out of ideas half-way through?

I can't write a poem

Well I've never written one before

I can't write a poem

And I certainly can't rhyme (not even some of the time)

I can't write a poem

I'm nowhere near clever enough

I can't write a poem

Poetry's just not my thing

I can't write a poem

I can't, I can't, I can't

I can't write a poem

Can I?

Carbon Footprint

I'm your deadly carbon footprint

Lurking spectre grim and grey

Growing larger, never smaller

I will never fade away

Stalking stealthily behind you

While you live your life on Earth

I'm your stain, your deep impression

I'm your legacy, your curse

I'm your dirty carbon footprint

Don't ignore my warning sign

I'm your carelessness, your cancer

Soon consuming humankind

As you use your power electric

Coal and petrol, oil and gas

Killing nature with pollution

While you're counting up your cash

I'm your lethal carbon footprint

Leaving you a bitter taste

Eating up all of our planet

Thriving on your piles of waste

I'm your rubbish not recycled

I'm the sting that's in your tail

If you want to see tomorrow

Then you need to shrink!


Craig hides his in the cupboard in the corner of the kitchen

Lorenzo loves to eat his in a sandwich stuffed with chicken

Samantha stores hers safe and sound in her school blazer pocket

And Peter pokes his in the hole of Dad's computer socket

Francesca sticks hers in a book she's borrowed from the library

Sebastian saves his for soup he plans to cook on Friday

Khadija keeps hers as a pet insisting that is more fun

Now on the count of three please tell me where did you put your one




Black Holes

Black holes are lurking everywhere

Not just in outer space

One swallowed my maths homework

Then left without a trace

The black hole by the dinner table

Snatched my sprouts today

And possibly grabbed grandad last year

When he went away

My lost socks are on Neptune

‘Cause a black hole took them too

They ate the keeper feeding lions

Lunchtime at the zoo

Black holes steal all my self-control 

If my behaviour’s bad 

Remove my hopes and happiness

If I’m upset or sad

Dad says black holes consume our cash

Each time mum goes to shop

They gobble up the sunshine also

Making summers stop

Beware these holes are all around

Deep, endless, dark and black

And anything they suck inside 

Might NOT be coming back!


I’m a fearless firefighter on the longest ladder

A mountaineer stretching up to the top

I’m a skilled acrobat entertaining a circus

A parachutist not nervous to drop

I’m a brave astronaut in a rip-roaring rocket

A golden eagle poised ready to glide

I’m a strong superhero soaring through blue skyways 

When I’m playing on my sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!


Zero is nothing

Zero is none

Zero is a number

That's less than one

Zero is hollow

A goalless draw

Zero's uninspiring

A nil-nil score

Zero is absent

A vacant stare

Neither plus nor minus

Barren and bare

Zero's deserted

An empty space

Ever unimportant

It leaves no trace

Zero is boring

A gaping hole

A void or a vacuum

Totally dull


Zero is no problem

Zero is no doubt

Zero's no pollution

Zero is no drought

Zero's no starvation

Zero is no poor

Zero is no homeless

Zero is no war

Zero's no diseases

No trouble or stress

Pick any number that you like

But I think zero's best


It's the word that you dread, it's the word that you hate

It's the word that will stop you from staying up late

There is nothing you can do to delay your fate


It's the word you detest, it's the word that you loathe

When putting on pyjamas and your nighttime clothes

Though your movie has another half-hour to go


You're still buzzing about, neither drowsy nor tired

Your high energy levels nowhere near expired

Next you hear the command that you've never admired


Mum forever insists that you follow this rule

“Otherwise you'll be falling asleep in school!”

As you wonder why your parents are incredibly cruel


So to gain your revenge, you hide every house clock

And remove the small battery from Dad's new watch

Till two bellowing voices are yelling out “STOP!”




(*...although you'll be reading secretly under your bed covers until midnight)

My Anglepoise Lamp

My anglepoise lamp

You are poised at an angle

With light that’s pure white

Beating torches and candles

Beside my computer

You stand on my desk

So sleek, silver, stylish

And bound to impress

When reading or writing

You’re illuminating

(Though if your bulb fuses

I find you frustrating)

Without you my homework 

Would not have begun

Without you my studying

Would be less fun

Though your feet are solid

Your body is bendy

You shine through the darkness

Beams brilliant and friendly

Bright, blazing and burning

Like summertime sun

Of all types of lamp

You’re my favourite one

Grandad’s Bald Patch

Grandad’s grown a bald patch on his head

Where there once was hair there is a space instead

He doesn’t need a hairbrush

He doesn’t need a comb

It’s tonnes of fun to see the sun bounce off his shiny dome

He bought himself a hoodie

A helmet and a cap

He bought himself a beret

And a woolly bobble hat

Grandad has a fallow spot out on top

Visits to his hairdresser have almost stopped

He's wishing he was younger

And not so very old

He's wishing that his noggin wasn't so over-exposed

He bought himself a helmet

Sombrero and a fez

He bought himself a Stetson

(Worn by cowboys way out West)

Grandad used to have thick curly locks

Now his nut is looking like a hole-filled sock

He sold his shampoo bottles

His hairdryer’s been flogged

I do declare his mop is bare there’s more fur on our dog

He bought himself a bowler

A toupee and a wig

He bought himself a turban

‘Cause that gap's extremely big

Grandad’s grown a bald patch on his head

Where there once was hair there is a space instead

L Plates

I broke both legs

Smashed several toes

I grazed my knees

Fractured my nose

I hit my head

I split my lip

Then jarred my jaw

And sprained my hip

I burst my lungs

Ruptured my spleen

Bruised all my back

Black, blue and green

I crushed my arm

I cracked my wrist

Lost two front teeth

(Still sorely missed)

My elbow's chipped

My ankle's numb

It hurts me to

Sit on my bum

My shoulder snapped

My spine is strained

I'm not gonna roller skate again