I Write

When I'm angry or feeling sad
I write!
When the news on TV is bad
I write!
When my train doesn't run on time
I write!
When I'm hooked on a crazy rhyme
I write!

When I visit a special place
I write!
When I want a smile on your face
I write!
When my fingers begin to twitch
I write!
When I suffer from writers' itch
I write!

When I can't speak the words I think
I write!
When my pen's fully charged with ink
I write!
When a rhythm's stuck in my head
I write!
Even when I'm asleep in bed
I write!

When I'm taking a morning shower
I write!
When I'm using my poet power
I write!
When inspired what do I do?
I write!
When I've something to say to you
I write!


My big brother says he saw...

A werewolf in his bedroom
A werewolf at his door
A werewolf in our bathroom
That washed it's face and paws

He glimpsed it in our garage
And lounging on our lawn
On Wednesday night it watched TV
Then disappeared at dawn 

It slyly stalked our hallway
Until my parents SCREAMED!
It crept into our kitchen
Took a tub of our ice cream

It tinkled in our toilet
Then wandered down our road
It growled and howled, made quite a row
While dressed up in my clothes

It stared back from my mirror
But now I'm most concerned
'Cause every time a full moon's out
I grow teeth, claws and fur...

We Want the Quagga!

(The quagga was a species of zebra, last seen at the end of the 1800s)

We want the quagga!
We want the quagga back
We miss his stripes
Of brown and white
He vanished just like that

We want the quagga!
Why did he disappear?
He seemed such fun
And hurt no-one
He's not been seen in years

We want the quagga!
Where did he wander to?
You won't spot him
In Swaziland
New Zealand or Peru

We want the quagga!
From South African plains
He'd quag and trot
Chew grass a lot
And shake his shaggy mane

We want the quagga!
No longer found in zoos
Although of course
Quite like a horse
A substitute won't do

We want the quagga!
So sadly hunted down
First he was chased
And then erased
Or moved to out of town

We want the quagga
We love bears, wolves and yaks
Cows, camels, goats
Aardvarks and stoats
But want the quagga back!

Something Down the Plughole

There's something down the plughole
There's something down the sink
I felt a claw and saw a paw
While at the tap to drink

A weird and eerie creature
Composed of sludge and slime
It crawled up from the sewage pipe
And feeds on grease and grime

Emitting awful odours
It hasn't got a name
The Beastie from the Basin?
The Demon from the Drain?

Who knows if it is friendly
Or if it might attack?
Be careful when you're washing up
In case it wants a snack!

We pushed it with a plunger
We poked it with a knife
But still it stays, won't go away
The lurker in our pipe

We're hearing burps at midnight
We're hearing slurps at dawn
So enter our kitchen at your own risk
Don't say you've not been warned... 


A special 'call and response' performance poem to teach children the powerful literacy tool of...

When you say the same thing again and again

What sticks like super glue in your brain?

As annoying as a chorus of a song

Shout it out aloud and you can't go wrong

A slogan, a mantra, a hook or a chant

You try to ignore it yet you simply can't

All join together with a single voice

With restricted words it's a limited choice

By now you're probably feeling bored

But to keep this poet happy you know the score

Repetition, repetition, repetition


Her body of buttons almost filled the page
Glitter glue splish-sploshed everywhere
Three eggy eyes were peeping through
Long messy spaghettiish hair

Sausage-shaped limbs, some fat, some thin
Were powered by a silver foil heart
I called this creature 'My Favourite Teacher'...
And got ten out of ten for art

My Mummy is a Mummy

My mummy is a mummy wrapped in white tape and old cloth
She has no bed but sleeps instead in a sarcophagus
She's not keen on the daytime 'cause she's frightened of the light
The bits of her you'd recognise are hidden out of sight

While most of us use bandages for grazes and for cuts
She uses them for fashion and I think that's pretty nuts
Her fondness for Egyptian culture cannot be denied
Last week she bought a pyramid and made her home inside

My mummy is a mummy - it's incredible yet true
She hopes to meet the pharaohs, sphinx and Cleopatra too
It's very complicated when she taking baths or showers
Her skin's a mess and getting dressed can take her several hours

Though Mum says that it didn't hurt when she was first embalmed
She often finds it difficult to move her legs and arms
I shouted Dad "This so mad and also it's not right"
But he’s not fussed 'cause he becomes...a werewolf every night!

Zebra Crossing

Look out! 
Zebra crossing!
Creating a fuss
He's bound to be hit by a car, bike or bus
Slowly he strolls
Over the road
Without any care for pedestrian codes

Look out! 
Zebra crossing!
Put him on a leash
He's stressing the drivers and giving them grief
Traffic has stopped
Vehicles form queues
How did he escape and break out of the zoo?

Look out! 
Zebra crossing!
Wears black and white stripes
Ignoring the law he just does what he likes
Swishing his tail
Shaking his mane
Forgetting he's not on the African plain

Look out! 
Zebra crossing!
It's chaos of course
Quite unlike a cow he resembles a horse
“Danger!” I cried
“Watch where you tread!"
“Hey zebra - please use zebra crossings instead!”

The Shape of Rainbows

Years ago the colours of the rainbow had a massive disagreement

RED felt he was most popular
“I am in the blood pumping through every human being and living creature
“None would survive without me”

ORANGE had a different opinion
“I share my name with the juiciest, healthiest fruit
“I must be the best”

YELLOW thought she was tops
“You see me in the sun that powers our solar system
“Remove me and everything would cease to exist”

GREEN claimed superiority
“I paint Mother Nature's trees and plants that cover our amazing planet
“I am life itself”

BLUE stated his importance
“Earth's magnificent oceans and vast skies would be nothing without me
“I am everywhere” 

INDIGO pressed her case for greatness
“People admire me for my air of mystery and beautiful looks
“Precious and rare – that's me”

VIOLET was not to be outdone
“I have a flower and many girls and women named after me
“Surely I am number one?” 

Unable to agree on this matter
The colours still argue to this day
So that's why rainbows are always... 
Shaped like a frown

When the Bell Goes

When the bell goes
The long day's ending
When the bell goes
Grab coats and bags

Thrilled and overjoyed
Making lots of noise
Running to the gates with all the other girls and boys

When the bell goes
We're so excited
When the bell goes
At half-past three

Hurrying for home
Chatting on our phones
Stopping at the ice cream van to buy a strawberry cone

When the bell goes
We're screaming, shouting
When the bell goes
We're crazy, nuts

Dashing down the streets
Sucking sticky sweets
Practising our rapping to the rhythms and the beats

When the bell goes
The lesson's finished
When the bell goes
We come alive

Jumping over walls
Breaking every rule
Doing lots of stuff we're not allowed to do at school

I don't care about anything
When I hear ring, ring, ring, ring
When the bell goes
When the bell goes
When the bell goes


Clear and light
Out of sight
Makes no sound
Floats around

Has no taste
None in space
On your tongue
In your lungs

Pure O2
Powers you
It's a gas
Little mass

Fills the air
We need it
We breathe it

Not hydrogen
Not helium
Not nitrogen

Dad's Chair

That's Dad's chair!
You can't sit there!
Find somewhere else instead
He thinks he's boss
He'll get real cross
And soon be seeing red

That's Dad's chair!
You can't sit there!
Go grab a different seat
'Cause that's Dad's throne
The place he owns
To rest his aching feet

That's Dad's chair!
You can't sit there!
It's our unwritten rule
For there he'll sleep
Watch TV, read
And chill and be cool

That's Dad's chair!
You can't sit there!
I'm certain he'd agree
If you do not
Move from that spot
He might start World War Three

Now you can sit on...
The carpet
The rug
The stool
My lap
The table
The sofa
The bench
Or the cat

The bookcase
The cushion
The settee
The bed
The cupboard
The hearth
The mat
Or my head
Anywhere and everywhere but...

Our Teacher is a Caveman

Our teacher is a caveman
With a long black scraggy beard
Although he is our fave man
He's wacky, wild and weird
Has limited vocabulary
Though great at ancient history
He doesn't go past 1 B.C.
Our teacher is a caveman

We call him Mr Ug
He's hairy and he's scary
And he waves a wooden club
He has a bath quite rarely
He's puzzled by the Internet
He keeps a pterodactyl pet
That really does confuse the vet
Our teacher is a caveman

He lives deep in the forest
With his cave wife and cave child
He shows us how to sharpen spears
And how two sticks make fire
Some say his brain is very small
Won't use whiteboards, draws on walls
Come meet the school Neanderthal
Our teacher is a caveman

He loves to watch the Ice Age films
On TV every night
How did he ever get the job?
He cannot read or write
When teaching maths he counts with rocks
He owns a sundial but no clock
Check out his woolly mammoth socks
Our teacher is a caveman

Who cares if he's Palaeolithic?
We all think that he's terrific
Our teacher is a caveman


You can't hide a hippo in a custard pie
You can't hide a hippo in a cloudless sky
You can't hide a hippo in pot of glue
You can't hide a hippo in a training shoe
You can't hide a hippo in a garden hedge
You can't hide a hippo on a window ledge

You can't hide a hippo if you paint it green
You can't hide a hippo on a submarine
You can't hide a hippo in a pile of peas
You can't hide a hippo on a high trapeze
'Cause hippos are huge not skinny and sleek
So totally rubbish at hide-and-seek 


A man's on TV
Talking gobbledegook
He don't impress me
Talking gobbledegook
He's waving his hands
Talking gobbledegook
I don't understand
Talking gobbledegook

He promises this
Talking gobbledegook
He promises that
Talking gobbledegook
He's shouting aloud
Talking gobbledegook
Addressing a crowd
Talking gobbledegook

He speaks to the press
Talking gobbledegook
He says he's the best
Talking gobbledegook
I've heard it before
Talking gobbledegook
I think he's a bore
Talking gobbledegook

He offers new hope
Talking gobbledegook
He's after our vote
Talking gobbledegook
And my decision?
Talking gobbledegook
No more politicians!
Talking gobbledegook
Talking gobbledegook
Talking gobbledegook


I'm a circle
I spin round
Like a wheel across the ground
Got no corners
Got no points
Got no edges
Got no joints

Neither triangle
Nor square
You'll find my shape everywhere
On a record
On a cake
On a saucer
On a plate

I'm a sphere
When in 3D
Draw a letter O - that's me
As a counter
As a clock
As a zero
As a watch

I'm a disc
So I can roll
Like a ball that scores a goal
I'm a penny
I'm a hoop
I'm a planet
I'm a loop

I'm a circle
You can see
I have perfect symmetry
I've no bottom
I've no top
I make endings
With full stops.

Bake Off

She really took the biscuit
She was a cracker
So life was sweet
And she was the cherry on top

As our relationship developed
She said that my commitment was wafer-thin
I couldn't separate the wheat from the chaff
And I had my fingers in too many pies
Till they got burnt

Caught with my hand in the cookie jar
And worse
A bun in the oven
I was sandwiched
In fact I was toast!

On leaving she yelled “You can't have your cake and eat it!”
I guess I never knew which side my bread was buttered on...

Chicken in the Kitchen

There's a chicken in the kitchen
There's a bat on my hat
There's a bee in my tea
There's a flea on the cat

There's a gibbon in the garage
There's a possum in the park
There's a crab in the lab
There's a moose marooned on Sark

There's a frog on a log
(With a hog and dog)
There's a rhino on the lino
There's a badger in a bog

There's a prawn on the lawn
There's a caiman in a cake
There's a hamster in my hair
There's a lizard in the lake

There's a turkey in the toilet
There's a heron in the hall
But where's the dodo gone to
'Cause I can't find him at all?