I searched a list of appropriate adverbs

For this poem’s title

Until finally finding one that fitted...

Moon Landing Worries

When I was ten years old 

I sat on the floor

In front of our black and white TV

Wearing only my pyjamas

Watching in amazement

As Neil Armstrong stepped onto the Moon


But I was extremely worried

What if he ran out of oxygen?

What if the Moon really was made of cheese?

What if his rocket did not have enough fuel for the journey home?

What if he was attacked by nasty little green aliens?

Why did Neil spell his name N.E.I.L and not N.E.A.L like me?

What if he felt lonely, frightened or homesick?

But what worried me more than ANYTHING was...




Could he go to the toilet?

“Beware of the Dog!”

“Beware of the Dog!”

He's fixed his eyes on you

“Beware of the Dog!”

He practises kung fu

“Beware of the Dog!”

He packs a powerful punch

“Beware of the Dog!”

He's yet to eat his lunch

“Beware of the Dog!”

He's such a serious threat

“Beware of the Dog!”

Ask the bite-scarred vet

“Beware of the Dog!”

He's incredibly large

“Beware of the Dog!”

He's so supercharged

“Beware of the Dog!”

He devoured the postman

“Beware of the Dog!”

Or you'll be doggie toast man

“Beware of the Dog!”

He does dangerous stuff

“Beware of the Dog!”





Me and MirrorMe

Me and MirrorMe

We always agree

Living our lives

In complete harmony

Moving together

On parallel tracks

As I wave to him

I watch him wave back

He models my moods

(And has seen me nude)

He's wearing my clothes

He's eating my food

With replica bodies

Duplicate eyes

We're choreographed

And well synchronised

Our friendship's first class

Reflecting off glass

He frowns when I frown

He laughs when I laugh

If I feel lonely

We frequently chat

Though my world's 3D

And his world is flat

He's my second face

From that special place

My single twin

In the whole human race

Two people sharing

One identity

That's how it is with

Me and MirrorMe

Never Run Out of Rhymes

You can run out of milk, mangos, biscuits or beans

When you run out of butter switch to margarine

You can run out of ideas, room, space or time

But you can never run out of rhymes

You might run out of energy, patience or steam

In a heatwave you could run out of ice cream

A very sick snail may run out of slime

But you can never run out of rhymes

You can get run out in cricket or run out the door

Run out of pounds and pence and you'll end up poor

A broken Big Ben could run out of chimes

But you can never run out of rhymes

You might run out of fuel: petrol, oil or gas

If you lose too much weight you could run out of mass

Bored monkeys may run out of trees to climb

But you can never run out of rhymes

In a drought you could run out of water to drink

Prolific poets' pens might run out of black ink

And if you're stuck on 'orange' use 'lemon' or 'lime'

Then you can never run out of rhymes


I don't want to JUMP hit the floor with a thump

I don't want to DASH I could possibly crash

I don't want to PLOD I would probably look odd

I don't want to CRAWL 'cause it's no fun at all

I don't want to FLY as the sky is too high

I don't want to HOP I might find I can’t stop

I don't want to LEAP and then land in a heap

(It’s tricky to SQUIRM unless you are a worm)

I don't want to BOUND bash my feet on ground

I don't want to SKIP I will tumble or trip

I don't want to SPIN like a washing machine

I just want to BOUNCE on my new trampoline

I Don't Like Ssssssnakes

The way they feel, the way they bite

The way they curl up very tight

The way they slither 'cross the ground

The way they slide without a sound

I don't...



The way their tongues are shaped like forks

The way they never smile or talk

The way they have no hair at all

The way they cannot kick a ball

I don't...



The way they're still until they strike

The way they're rubbish riding bikes

The way there's poison in their fangs

The way they hang about in gangs

I don't...



The way they shed their scaly skins

The way they look so long and thin

The way they hide inside your bed

The way they might prefer you dead

I don't...



Cobra, rattlesnake or adder

Grass snake, python or black mamba

Boa constrictor or sidewinder

Anaconda or pit viper...

I don't...



The Seriously Scary Poem

This poem is deadly

Dark, horrible, heavy

Grey, grisly, gruesome and grim

It's frighteningly fearful

Could leave you quite tearful

It does what it says on the tin

This poem's doom-laden

Don't read to children

Or when you're alone by yourself

It may melt your ice creams

Cause nightmares and bad dreams

And certainly damage your health

This poem's not comic

You'll find no jokes in it

Devoid of all humour and cheer

It's hideous, hated

Now treble-X-rated

Most strenuous, strict and severe

This poem is solemn

Repulsive and rotten

I bet you're already depressed

Mean, miserable, manic

And sure to spread panic

Don't you like the funny ones best?

Poetry Parrot

When I read my poems to my pet spider

They stir feelings deep inside her

When I read my poems to my pet lizard

He says “You're a wise word wizard”

When I read my poems to my pet kitten

She thinks they're the finest written

When I read my poems to my pet adder

Though they're fun they make him sadder

When I read my poems to my pet kiwi

She laughs till she has to wee-wee

When I read my poems to my pet capybara

He guffaws “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”

When I read my poems to my pet horse

She neighs...of course

When I read my poems to my pet pheasant

He tells me they're really pleasant

When I read my poems to my pet jackal

She rolls 'round and starts to cackle

When I read my poems to my pet gorilla

Watch him dance with my chinchilla

When I read my poems to my pet llama

She relaxes and grows calmer

When I read my poems to my pet red setter

He claims my rhymes can't be bettered

But when I read my pet parrot my poetry...

She reads each poem back to me!

Not a Vampire

Red sticky stuff upon my lips

Is strawberry jam

The razor teeth I'm sharpening

Are toy fake fangs

I dress in swish black velvet suits

So I look smart

Nobody's tried to drive a stake

Into my heart

You say that crosses bother me

Well that's not true

The only bats I've ever known

Are at the zoo

I'm cool with mirrors in my house

And garlic's fine

That zombie living down the street's

No mate of mine

As I won't sunbathe on the beach

My skin's snow white

I promise you I'm sound asleep

Before midnight

Thick fog around my castle

Is a morning mist

Count Dracula is fictional

He don't exist

No need to cover up your neck

When you meet me

I wouldn't drink your human blood

I'd opt for tea

Those trips to Transylvania?

I've never been

I'm really NOT a vampire

It’s just your bad dream

Don't Step on the Cracks

('Step on a crack, you'll break your mother's back' is an old saying)

Don't step on the cracks

Don't step on the cracks

Mum's back will break

For goodness sake

Don't step on the cracks

The Demon from the Paving Stone

Will rise up and grab her

I've warned you before

You're fighting a war

He might kidnap and nab her

Don't step on the cracks

Don't step on the cracks

Crossing that line

Will snap her spine

Don't step on the cracks

The Gremlin from the Underground

Will leap out and chase her

Push her in a hole

As big as a goal

Till nobody can nobody can trace her

Don't step on the cracks

Don't step on the cracks

Her bones will bust

Turn into dust

Don't step on the cracks

The Savage from the Stony Slab

Will stalk and attack her

Steal all her stuff

Treat her real rough

And permanently trap her

So don't step on the cracks

Be careful where you tread

But in trying to avoid them...

Don't walk under ladders instead!


It creeps up in the night

It's a fright

Flashes teeth that can bite

It's a fright

It hides underneath your bed

Worms its way into your head

It's a fright, fright, fright, fright, fright!

Whispers things in your ear

It's a fear

Words you don't want to hear

It's a fear

Digs down deep into your brain

It's a crashing, speeding train

It's a fear, fear, fear, fear, fear!

It could pounce anywhere

It's a scare

It's a wolf, it's a bear

It's a scare

It's a painful stomach punch

Causes you to lose your lunch

It's a scare, scare, scare, scare, scare!

It's a creak, crack or knock

It's a shock

Stops your watch and your clock

It's a shock

Warns you that the end is near

Makes this poem finish here

It's a shock, shock, shock, shock, shock!


The World's Wickedest Dentist

I recline in her chair

Thinking life isn't fair

As I try to prepare

For the ultimate scare

She digs deep in that hole

She can no longer fill

I'm caught in the clutches of Mrs Drill

While my racing heart beats

I'm admitting defeat

Regret thousands of sweets

Cakes and sugary treats

'Cause inflicting great pain

Always gives her a thrill

I'm caught in the clutches of Mrs Drill

She holds open my mouth

It's a wrestling bout

Though I yell, scream and shout

My tooth needs taking out

She says "This shouldn't hurt"

But I know that it will

I'm caught in the clutches of Mrs Drill

Now she’s numbing my gum

And enjoying her fun

With the worst yet to come

I cry “I want my Mum!”

Instruments in her hand

Closing in for the kill

I'm caught in the clutches of Mrs Drill...

The Stegosaurus Saw Us

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us trudge between the trees

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us bouncing with the breeze

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us prowling to the park

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us dancing in the dark

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us lope over the land

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us skipping on the sand

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us glide along the grass

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us up the underpass

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us wander through the wood

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us hop around his 'hood

The stegosaurus saw us 

Saw us flit across the floor

The stegosaurus saw us 

So let out a massive ROOOOOOAAAAAAR!

Greedy Sweet Shop Owner

I'm the Greedy Sweet Shop Owner

I'll eject you from my shop

Why would I sell to customers

When I can scoff the lot?

I've sherbet fountains, barley sugars

Liquorice, chocolate limes

Please view them through my window

You've no need to step inside

I've humbugs, wine gums, toffees

Candy canes and honeycomb

Don't plan to make a purchase

These are mine and mine alone

As I don't want your business

My front door is always shut

Those pear drops, chews and packs of fudge

It's me who'll eat them up

I love to live this lifestyle

I don't care about my health

Your precious pocket money

Go and spend it somewhere else

For breakfast, lunch and dinner

Give me scrumptious sugary treats

I'm the Greedy Sweet Shop Owner

So keep YOUR hands off my sweets!

Birthday Present

Thank you very much for my birthday present
I hope you don't mind
But I am not going open it

It will sit on the shelf
In my bedroom
And every day for the rest of my life
My imagination will peer inside it
And turn it into something new  
So it could be...

A ticket for the next football World Cup Final

A magic potion to turn me into an invisible wizard

The answers to all the homework questions in the whole universe

A real unhatched brontosaurus egg

Two hundred swimming seahorses 

An endless supply of hugs, love and laughter

It's the best birthday present I've ever had

Mind the Gap

There's nothing in my head
A vacuum's all that's here
I try to think of different thoughts but none of them appear

My cranium's a shell
A cavern bleak and black
I cannot write a poem if my brain does not come back

Just peer through either ear
You'll gaze at empty space
The organ once between them has now gone without a trace

I'm searching for some words
They're far too hard to find
So help me please Lost Property...I'm sure I've lost my mind

Itching Chicken

My chicken is itching
My chicken is scratching
A serious illness
He tells us it's catching

In place of a cluck
He has a sharp cough
His body and face
Are covered in spots

He's feeling discomfort
A permanent tickle
He's picking and licking
And in such a pickle

He's rubbing his beak
He nibbles his claws
He pecks at his wings
He rolls round the floor

He's irritated
Sweaty and hot
The vet says my chicken...
Has got chicken pox