The Noisiest Class

The Noisiest Class I’ve ever heard
Are in this very school
They make a din
Do my head in
And disobey no talking rules
It’s 10pm and thanks to them
I can’t get any sleep at all
My ears still ringing
My mind still swimming
I tried to teach them
I tried to reach them
But they don’t listen to a single word
‘Cause they’re the Noisiest Class I’ve ever heard
Form 3J!
They make more racket in English, history, geography, science and maths
Than they do when they’re at play
“SHUT UP!” is the phrase you’ll bellow fifty times a day
They scream
They shout
They shriek
They yell
Louder than the fire alarm or bell
I try and try and try and try
I even emit the odd ear-splitting cry
But still I can’t hear myself speak
When I’m with the Noisiest Class you’ll ever meet
Some say
“They’re hyperactive”
Some say
“Too many fizzy drinks”
Some say
“They eat far too much junk food”
But I still can’t hear myself think
At all
Please give me those cute quiet kids in reception
Next time I have to take a lesson
Or I’ll crack up
Ask the army for back up
And take two years off work to unwind
After sharing a classroom with the Noisiest Class you’ll ever find
I want to hide in the staff room
Wear a big pair of ear plugs
Whistle an extremely loud tune
Stop my migraine with prescription drugs
They made ten teachers ill
Twelve teachers quit
I can’t handle any more of it
They can’t be tamed
They’re at it again
They confuse, addle, muddle and befuddle my brain
Unfortunately (for legal reasons) no pupils can be named
But they’re guaranteed to shatter your silence
Leaving you disrupted, damaged and disturbed
It’s the Noisiest Class you’ve ever heard
So cover your ears with Elastoplast
If you don’t want to have to suffer the Noisiest Class