Paint It Yellow

January 15, 2021 by Neal zetter

If you're feeling rotten, rough

Too much nasty noxious stuff

Don't snap, crack and shout “Enough!”

Paint it yellow

Let's have misery no more

Kick your glumness out the door

Spread a shade that's rich and pure

Paint it yellow

Like the sunshine through a shower

Bright and brilliant packed with power

Don't be dull or drab or dour

Paint it yellow

Like bananas, like the moon

Like a cheerful child's balloon

Like a humming happy tune

Paint it yellow

Like a slice of Cheddar cheese

Like a lemon that you squeeze

Like a swarm of buzzy bees

Paint it yellow

You've no need to watch the news

Make a plan to beat the blues

What's the colour you should choose?

Paint it yellow

Umbrella

January 13, 2021 by Neal zetter

My umbrella keeps me dry

When the rain falls from the sky

Don't wear hats upon my head

'Cos it does the job instead

Storms and downpours everywhere

I'm protected, I don't care

Even works in sleet and snow

Shielding me from head to toe

Metal handle, plastic top

Pink with purple polka dots

Surely it's the safest bet

As I'm dry but you're all wet

Let it drizzle, drip, drip, drop

Let it shower, plip, plip, plop

Till the sun comes out to play

Then my brolly folds away

Best Dressed Dog

January 06, 2021 by Neal zetter

My canine's super smart

Dressed in the latest fashions

Loves all designer wear

Picks clothing with a passion

With walk and dinner done

He doesn't want to stop in

But take the Eurostar

To Paris to go shopping

Armani, Ralph Lauren

DKNY, Versace

Pierre Cardin, Paul Smith

Louis Vuitton and Gucci

In leggings, boots or hat

Bandana or a sweater

My dog looks oh so cool

Yes - he's a real trend Setter

For Sale

December 29, 2020 by Neal zetter

Ten thousand pounds my asking price

Condition? Nearly new

All parts are working perfectly

A bargain buy for you

I plucked it from my inner self

Somewhere close to my heart

I'll surely shed a ton of tears

The moment it departs

It comes with guarantee attached

Had just one owner too

(Don't be confused – it's not a fish

Or found under my shoe)

So I hope we can make a deal

I'm desperate, on the dole

Please Mister Satan splash that cash

I want to sell my soul

For You

December 27, 2020 by Neal zetter

I've poems poking out my ears

That can't fit in my head

I've poems lost up in the loft

And stashed under my bed

I've poems on my new laptop

In wardrobes on coat hooks

I've poems in the kitchen sink

And published in my books

I've poems fixed to chandeliers

I've poems in the hall

I've poems in the garden shed

And scrawled on every wall

I've poems on the washing line

All hanging down on pegs

I've poems on my mantlepiece

My torso, arms and legs

I've poems on my mobile phone

And in the bathroom too

I've no space for another poem...

So this one is for you

My Nonsense Poem

December 23, 2020 by Neal zetter

Nonsense poem

Pickling pyjamas

Nonsense poem

Playing snap with llamas

Paint your dad blue

Ants that won't stop growing

Everything's absurd inside my nonsense poem

Nonsense poem

Bicycles and burnt toast

Nonsense poem

Cuddling a lamppost

Backwards I talk

Sunbathe though it's snowing

Nutty is the norm when it's my nonsense poem

Nonsense poem

Lumberjacks and limpets

Nonsense poem

Vacuuming your armpits

Stroke a cactus

Toing but not froing

Craziness is cool 'cos it's my nonsense poem

Nonsense poem

Mondays are abolished

Nonsense poem

Bald heads must be polished

My pen's run out

Who knows where it's going?

That's my nonsense ending to my nonsense poem

Insomnia

December 15, 2020 by Neal zetter

One human

Two human

Three human

Four human

Five human

Six human

Seven human

Eight human

Nine human

Ten human

Restless sheep

Couldn't sleep

Revoked

December 13, 2020 by Neal zetter

I follow the rules of alliteration

Pay close attention to punctuation

Unusual spellings are frowned upon

Assonance (like this) regarded as wrong

Making up words is a total taboo

Days of mixed metaphors are surely through

I'm down, disappointed, gutted, choked

‘Cos my poetic licence has been revoked

K.I.N.D.

December 06, 2020 by Neal zetter

You can't be a carrot

Or a clock

You can't be a sardine

Or a sock

You can't be a carpet

Or a key

But you can be

K.I.N.D.

You can't be a proton

Or a pin

You can't be a bottom

Or a bin

You can't be a fungus

Or a flea

But you can be

K.I.N.D.

You can't be a wobble

Or a wow

You can't be cream cake

Or a cow

You can't be a thimble

Or a '3'

But you can be

K.I.N.D.

You can't be a rhythm

Or a rock

You can't be a shadow

Or a...SHOCK!

You can't be a telly

Or a tree

But you can be

K.I.N.D.

You can't be a whimper

Or a wig

You can't be a handbag

(Small or big)

You can't be a pimple

Or a ‘p’

But you can be

K.I.N.D.

So set your inner angel free

And show the world you're

K.I.N.D.

All I Want...

November 29, 2020 by Neal zetter

Don't want new silk pyjamas

A hamster or iguana

A basketball, a pair of training shoes

A skateboard, a computer

A t-shirt or a scooter

As all of them will leave me unamused

Don't want ten bars of chocolate

A Star Wars Lego rocket

A budgie, board game or a mountain bike

A pair of purple wellies

A pack of perfumed smellies

These presents are not items that I'd like

What I want's packed with pages

Will fill my time for ages

You'll see it tops my wish list if you look

It's bound to entertain me

And make me much more brainy

'Cos all I want for Christmas is...

A BOOK!

Hyperlink

November 23, 2020 by Neal zetter

Why's there no 'q' in cucumber?

Could I teach my cat to rumba?

Is the ocean safe to drink?

Find out!

Click a hyperlink

What makes hairy people hairy?

Why was Mary quite contrary?

How come old socks always stink?

Simple!

Click a hyperlink

What's the capital of Norway?

Will my head fit through that doorway?

Why do nans and grandads shrink?

Unsure?

Click a hyperlink

Why are werewolves scared of silver?

Why does nothing rhyme with silver?

Is a skunk quite like a skink?

Answers?

Click a hyperlink

Who invented semolina?

Have they found Mrs Demeanour?

Can an avocado think?

Who knows?

Click a hyperlink

Why all this toing and froing?

How'd you stop a crow from crowing?

What words should complete this poem?

Easy!

Click a hyperlink

You Say...

November 20, 2020 by Neal zetter

You say happy

I say delighted

You say eager

I say excited

You say handy

I say practical

You say clever

I say tactical

You say pretty

I say beautiful

You say loyal

I say dutiful

You say stupid

I say risible

You say in view

I say visible

You say solid

I say non-porous

Since I borrowed

Your new thesaurus

Exercise Bike

November 05, 2020 by Neal zetter

When building my muscles

And pumping my blood

I never get rained on

Or covered in mud

Exercise bike, exercise bike!